[WRITING TASK 02] Please help me evaluate my writing essay

Dear, Sir and Ma'am! Please help me evaluate the writing for IELTS WRITING TASK 2. Thank you a lot! Here is my topic:

More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Some people believe it would be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, while others think that the government should develop new towns in rural areas. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Answer:

It is obvious that since the world population has grown rapidly, many countries need more houses constructed to meet citizen’s needs. Some people hold the belief that building more accommodations in urban areas would be the best way to solve those problems, however, I think that houses should be built on the periphery of cities, especially in rural areas. This essay will discuss both views and explain why building new towns would be more beneficial.

On one hand, the problems behind the phenomenon of the dramatic growing population over the nation will be solved more quickly and easily if more buildings are constructed in the existing cities due to the ready workforce and sufficient amount of construction materials. Firstly, up to now, people have always been willing to move to the metropolises to earn money. Therefore, construction forces are always ready to do their jobs. Moreover, since there are a large number of companies providing materials for building new houses, many building plans could be easily put into action. For two reasons above: always ready forces and materials to build will guarantee the cost coverage for investors. Last but not least, the demands for houses of people living in the cities are always higher than those living in the countryside. Hence, building new accommodations in the existing metropolises would be accepted and encouraged to deal with rising populations.

On the other hand, extending towns outside the cities, especially in the rural areas will answer the problems relating to overpopulation inside the city center; pollution and traffic congestion. More houses built in the small towns will attract more people to reside there and eventually, it would lead to a balanced population between the big cities and small ones. Additionally, it results in the tranquillity and cleanliness of the big cities. It is a clear fact that most of the reasons behind the noise pollution and traffic congestion in the cities come from the high population density. More and more people living in one place will lead to the increasing noise and means of transportation there. With all factors above, I hold the belief that the authorities should encourage people to build new houses in the rural areas to solve the problems of not only the growing populations but also the environment.

In conclusion, although constructing new accommodations in urban areas seems a valuable option for guaranteeing the cost coverage to consider, I believe that the phenomenon will be solved to its very root after applying the building plans in the countryside.

P/s: Thanks a lot!