Writing Part 2 IELTS - Agree or Disagree. I truly appreciate your help.

Question

Hi, thanks for spending time with me here. I appreciate that you made efforts and gave me valuable advice on my clumsy writing. I'm learning from my mistakes, and from your feedback as well. Have a lovely day!

Task 2: Many things can influence the academic achievement and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People argue that the influence of peers on a student’s academic achievement and emotional growth is more significant than that of teachers. I completely disagree with this statement.

First and foremost, when it comes to academic aspects, teachers are, in most cases, very likely to be a student’s main source of knowledge. As they are called, “teach-ers”, their sole purpose is to teach. Through interaction with teachers, students can gain information to build an understanding of a particular subject. Not every kid was born gifted - in fact, only a few were - much of what they know about that subject is limited by what they were taught. The amount of knowledge, which is the main means to earn academic achievement, that a child gained is in a direct ratio with the amount their teachers gave them.

As for the emotional growth of the student, teachers also play such a crucial role in guiding that student in a broader view, not just school work but other aspects in life as well. Most of the time, students do not simply view teachers as “teaching machines”, but as models and inspirations. Second to parents and family members in general, teachers are the ones that many students will turn to for advice whenever they have problems. Not just when they cannot solve math or put together a 200-word essay, but also when they are going through a breakup, or having a fight with their best friends. Kids look up to their teacher, again, most of the time, they want to impress these people, they want their favorite teachers to favor them. When they get their expectations fallen short in these situations, that student gets hurt emotionally. Or in worse scenarios, a student suffering from teachers’ bullies will develop severe mental problems.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I strongly believe that a student bears more impact, both in an academic and emotional context, from their teachers than their peers.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote over 320 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task completion or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will take a lot of time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time to spend on Task 1, and get a lower score there.

Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

People argue that the influence of peers on a student’s academic achievement and emotional growth is more significant than that of teachers. I completely disagree with this statement.

Here are two ways to improve your introduction:

1. Avoid using the same words as in the instructions. Capture the essence of the task in your own words. I highlighted the copied words.
2. Avoid stating "I disagree/agree" period. Give a hint as to your major reason.

Here is an example:

The school years, particularly for teenagers, represent a time of growth and learning. Both classmates and teachers can steer a student to maturity, and in some people's opinion, social groups have the stronger effect. I completely disagree since, in my experience, a good teacher can inspire and make significant life-long impressions.

In the body paragraphs, you can improve by giving examples from personal experience. Describe one teacher that was the favorite of many students and why.

First and foremost, when it comes to academic aspects, teachers are, in most cases, ~~very likely to be~~ (This is extremely weak, "in most cases" and "likely" are synonyms and very tentative in meaning. It is much better to make strong, definitive statements.) a student’s main source of knowledge. ~~As they are called, “teach-ers”, their sole purpose is to teach.~~ Through interaction with teachers, students can gain information to build an understanding of a particular subject. Not every child ~~kid~~ ("kid" is not a formal word) was born gifted - in fact, only a few were - much of what they know about that subject is limited by what they were taught. (There is a major difference between gifted and knowledge. A gifted student has above-average intelligence in one dimension or another. They might have an ear for music, an eye for art or a facility with numbers They are definitely not born with knowledge!. ) The amount of knowledge, which is the main means to earn academic achievement, that a child gains ~~gained~~ is in a direct ratio with the amount their teachers gave them. (A stronger point is: the dedicated, inspirational teacher, who encourages all students to learn is rare, but every student will have a favorite teacher. The present materials in different ways, using games, visuals, and team-learning exercises, to convey the most challenging subjects. Even the slowest learner will succeed under such a teacher Now you can describe your favorite teacher and how they influenced you. That is a much better approach than making statements.)

As for the emotional growth of the student, teachers also play such a crucial role in guiding that student in a broader view, not just school work but other aspects in life as well. Most of the time, students do not simply view teachers as “teaching machines”, but as models and inspirations. Second to parents and family members in general, teachers are the ones that many students will turn to for advice whenever they have problems. Not just when they cannot solve math or put together a 200-word essay, but also when they are going through a breakup in a relationship, or having a fight with their best friends. Kids look up to their teacher, again, most of the time, they want to impress these people, (Your sentence has comma splices. DO not join main clauses with a comma. It is an error of grammar.) they want their favorite teachers to favor them. When ~~they get~~ their expectations are not met, ~~fallen short in these situations,~~ that student gets hurt emotionally. Or in worse scenarios, a student suffering from teachers’ bullies will develop severe mental problems. (I think you are defeating your argument in describing a negative impact.)

In conclusion, ~~for~~ ~~the reasons mentioned above,~~ (This is unnecessary. Do not refer to your writing.) I strongly believe that a student bears more impact, both in an academic and emotional context, from their teachers than their peers.

Writing Part 2 IELTS - Agree or Disagree. I truly appreciate your help.

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