[Writing Ielts Task 2] Please review my writing!

Instruction: Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others say this is the only way to save such traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

My essay:

It is believed that cultural traditions are at risk when they are used as tourist destinations. Meanwhile, some people argue that this is the only solution to preserve such traditions. In my opinion, both views are true to a certain extent.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that traditional sites are ruined by a great number of tourists. They not only pollute the place where they visit but also show improper gestures which are against the traditional standard. Moreover, in order to meet the need of the tourists, the government enforces policies to modernize the ancientness. This leads to the fact that the value of hisorical culture is under threat.

On the other hand, it is a good idea to save traditions by making them become a part of tourism. As we can see, loads and loads of museums and galleries are built to tribute cultural tradition. This does help to raise awareness among people about what needs to be protected and developed. On top of it, money paid by tourist really brings ways to invest in the preservation of traditions. For instance, in Vietnam, Bat Trang villagers sell ceramic products for visitors so as to maintain their traditional vocation.

In conclusion, using cultural traditions as money - making attractions has both positive and negative impacts on the preservation of traditions.