Writing IELTS Task 2 - HEALTH?

Please help me by checking my essay and give me comments to improve my writing skills!

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

Childhood obesity has reached an epidemic proportion in the previous decade, especially the Western world have risen considerably by over a fifth. It is also undoubtedly that this had negative consequences, some primary reasons will be presented as well as offer a measure to mitigate this issue.

There are a number of reasons for the rising levels of obesity among children. The first reason is unhealthy eating habits. This means that children currently tend to consume too much fast food, candy, and sugary beverages. This food can cause younger individuals to gain weight quickly since they are high in fat and calories but low in vitamins and minerals. Another reason is sedentary lifestyles, especially children in the metropolis. They prefer engaging in screen time activities to playing outsides or doing sports. My cousin, for instance, usually spends 4 to 5 hours per day to play the game online, watch TV or browse the Internet.

Obesity is a serious medical condition that has detrimental effects on children and adolescents. Firstly, obesity can harm nearly every system in the child’s body such as the heart, lungs, muscles, and bones. What’s worse, this can lead to overweight or obese into adulthood with an increased risk of a number of serious health conditions including heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and cancer. Secondly, obesity among children might be more likely for psychological problems. These children had higher rates of loneliness, nervousness as well as depression comparing to non-obese youngsters. This is illustrated by a survey conducted by the University of Florida, it is reported that about a third of obesity children tend to have emotional disorders, and one out of five frequently bully their peers.

Additionally, it is necessary for parents to educate their children about the severe impacts of an imbalanced diet. This would lead to healthier choices such as choosing vegetables and whole food instead of junk food and soft drinks.

In conclusion, the increased ratio of obesity children in Western countries is the most pressing problem in recent years. There are various factors as well as adverse impacts on the child’s conditions and measures that can be implemented to tackle this issue.