Writing IELTS task 1. Please help me. Thank you so much.

Question

Topic: The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the falcuties of a major university in 2012.

[TEXT]

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of academic members of staff by gender throughout the falcuties of a particular university in 2012.

It is clear that the percentage of man staff members was higher than its woman members in most falcuty. In addition, engineering was the area which contain male staff most while the opposite was true for education.

According to the chart, the percentage of male staff in business, engineering, law and science faculties was higher than the proportion of female while the opposite was true in other faculties. Particularly, most figures for male staff was above 60% compared to slightly under 40% of the other gender. In contrast, the proportion for man staff members were lower than its of woman staff members respectively.

Looking at the highest column on the chart, more 80% staff members in engineering faculty were male in comparison with just under 20% of the percentage of female. On the other hand, with nearly 80%, the proportion of woman staff was approximately 3 times as much as the percentage of man staff in education faculty. Generally, the figures for man staff in engineering and woman staff in education were considerable higher than the other faculties.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Topic: The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the falcuties of a major university in 2012.

[TEXT]

The bar chart illustrates (Not a good word to use) the proportion of academic members of staff by gender throughout (Not a good word to use) the falcuties of a particular university in 2012.

(The bar chart shows the relative proportions of men and women staff members in seven different faculties at a major university in 2012. These were: arts, business, education, engineering, law, medicine and science.)

~~It is clear that~~ (Those words are unnecessary. Describe the data. ) The percentage of man staff members was higher than its woman members in most (How many? Be precise! Actually this is not true. ) ;falcuty. (wrong spelling, wrong form) In addition, engineering was the area (?? not a good word to use) which contain (wrong form) male staff most (ungrammatical) while the opposite was true for education.

(Males had higher percentages than females in four of the seven faculties, and the numbers were about equal for one, namely medicine. Averaged over all seven faculties, there were 55 males for every 45 females. The academic staff in business, engineering, science and law were male dominated, having 40% or less women on staff. The faculties with the largest difference in gender representation were education, with a staff consisting of three-quarters women, and engineering, with a ratio of more than 8 men for every 2 women. The women in the science faculty were also underrepresented, making up about 35% of the staff members. The faculty of the arts department, like medicine, had a fairly equal distribution of men and women; with 55% women and 45% men.)

~~According to the chart,~~ (Those words are unnecessary. The reader knows you are describing the chart. Just describe the data. ) The percentage of male staff in the business, engineering, law and science faculties was higher than ~~the proportion~~ that of females while the opposite was true in other faculties. (That is not a very astute observation. There were only two choices!) Particularly, most ~~figures~~ (Most is not a good word here. "more than half") for male staff was above 60% compared to slightly under 40% for women. ~~of the other gender.~~ In contrast, the proportion for man staff members were lower than its of woman staff members respectively. (You contradicted yourself.)

~~Looking at the highest column on the chart,~~ More than 80% of the staff members in the engineering faculty were male in comparison with just under 20% of the percentage (?? 20% of some percentage value?) of female. On the other hand, with nearly 80%, the proportion of woman staff (unnatural phrase) was approximately 3 times as much as the percentage of man staff in the education faculty. Generally, the percentages of ~~figures for~~ man staff in engineering and woman staff in education were considerable higher than the other faculties.

Writing IELTS task 1. Please help me. Thank you so much.

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