Writing essays for IELTS

Hi everyone, I completed some essays and I really need to find my own mistakes. Could you please help me to correct my essays?
This my own essays that I prepared its for my IELTS test.

My first essay:

Some people say that governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, the dilemma question whether human should invest in resolving and reducing environment issues or not has remained a source of controversy. Although many arguments show that economic development and other social problems are still considered as more important, I personally believe that environment pollution should be focused on because this problem relates to human’s health.

There are several reasons that pollution can result dreadful effects to human health. First, it is obvious that lung-related diseases have growth dramatically as a result of air pollution. Toxic gases, such as nitrogen oxides, exhausted by factories and transports usually damage human’s lung and result an increase number of lung-cancer victims in metropolitan areas, where the level of atmosphere pollution has been alarmed. In addition, other types of pollutions like water contamination also result negative affects to human’s health. People who live near polluted rivers, for example, usually engage in numerous types of cancers. This is a result of toxic chemicals discharged by factories and by local residents, who have bad habits of releasing household emission to local water sources.

Housing issues should be also considered as a priority problem to resolve by the government. In large cities where population is alarmingly high, number of residents are still growing because jobless immigrants from other parts of country migrate to metropolitan areas in order to find a job. This phenomenon can cause number of homeless people to increase and those people cannot receive enough medical care services.

In conclusion, I agree with people who support the idea of investing for pollution-related problems treatment because those issues have relation to human’s health and well-being.

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And my second essay:

Reading story books is better for children than watching television or playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, the development of digital technologies has facilitated for the promotion of TV shows and computer games and this promotion has remained a source of controversy to modern social whether it can benefit our children like reading books or not. Although having massive disadvantages harming children’s mind, I personally believe that TV shows and computer games have their own benefits to children nowadays.

There are numerous positive influences that digital products can result on children, parents or both. First, it is obvious that many TV programs and digital games are designed for children and these products contain educational values which play an important role in constructing good manners in children. Apple, for example, is a pioneer on developing education-oriented contents in mobile phones, tablets and televisions. Thanks to online stores, parents can find applications, games and movies for not only children but also themselves. Additionally, digital lessons in TVs, computers and other devices also provide an effective solution for education, which area that meet several difficulties on delivering educational contents to students. By employing pictures, sounds and animation effects, lessons delivered by TVs and other electronic devices are seemly more attractive to young children compared to traditional books.

On the other hand, the decision of choosing methods and contents of studying belong to parents and children. Traditional books have been considered as good for students but they still have their own downsides. Beside the main downside of being a boring way to deliver information, several types of books, which are not chosen carefully by parents, can cause negative effects to children’s mind and manners. Therefore, the dilemma question whether traditional books is better than digital contents from TVs and computers or not can just be answered by parents, who own the responsibility for choosing educational methods for own future generation.

In conclusion, I totally disagree with the idea that reading books is better than playing computer games or watching TV. The answers of which the better is highly depended on educational contents we choose.