Writing Essay

Could you check my following answer for this question, particularly grammatical structure and vocabulary use, please. Also, I want to state that this is not written accordingly to the IELTS Writing task 2 structure. Thank you for your time!

"Some people think that individualism brings many benefits to the community. Others think otherwise, claiming that it does more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

Individualism, which is the idea that centers on personal goals and freedom of thoughts and actions, has long engendered a heated controversy surrounding the effects it has on society. It is the proponents’ contention that the belief creates enormous virtues for the community while others register their opposition to it considering its demerits. This essay would elaborate on both sides as well as some personal perspectives.

On the one hand, individualism appears beneficial to the general public to some degree owing to these following rationales. To commence with, as the locus of this notion is the aspirations of oneself, it affords an outlet for them to exhibit and exude their uniqueness and particularity. This chance of expressing the self is the nucleus of each person’s happiness that eventually promotes the well-being of the collective group as a whole. Besides, should the citizens’ individuality be respected, a dynamic and diverse society could be constituted.

On the other hand, however, the inordinate focus on private benefits exerts adverse effects not only on a personal but also societal level. Firstly, individualism leads to a lack of belonging on a private scale. Should one be immersed in his quest for success and goals, he may end up locking himself to his lone world, which drives him apart from others. Secondly, the belief also weakens human bonds and gives rise to the corrosion of the sense of community. To exemplify, a self-centered and egocentric person would be prone to lose sympathy for others. In addition, during cut-throat competitions, one could perpetrate maleficent acts so as to attain their intentions without thinking about others. Indeed, extreme individualism could jeopardize human relationships which serve to cement people in a society.

From my standpoint, striking a balance between positive individualism and contributing to society would be the best option as one’s identity is only meaningful in the context of the roles one plays in the group. The correlation between self-growth and joint development is reciprocal and therefore should not be separated.

In conclusion, although I posit that both views are convincing to some extent, it is the combination of human particularity and social bond that could do wonders for human beings.