Writing. can you look through my writing in task 2?

Question

Water is a valuable finite resource, governments all over the world should control how much water their citizens use.To what extend do you agree or disagree?Water is definitely eternal resource. Without it, we cannot survive. Today, to reduce the waste of water, many governments have enacted a lot of laws to control and limit the amount of water that used on domestic and agricultural. While I agree that water should be limited in supply, but I believe that water is natural resource that we can use freely.On the one hand, water is vital resource that we cannot live without it. For example, we use water in most of daily activities like drinking water, watering trees or taking a shower. For this reason, the government cannot limit the amount of water using in daily life. Moreover, water is not only the vital resource but it is also commercial goods. For instance, the government can have a large profit if they can manage as well to provide water for the citizens. As a result, they can have enormous money to build more social buildings like hospitals, schools, station in order to make the standard life better.On the other hand, I believe that the government has their rights and justifications to limit the water using. In addition, we should know that two thirds of earth is water, but only 3% of it can be used in living. As an example, we cannot use seawater to cover our living because there is too much salt in it. Consequently, the amount of water using in daily living is much more than we imagine, and if the government doesn’t control, it will run out really quickly. Secondly, the more of population the world has, the more quickly the water runs out. For instance, if the country has large population, it means they need to limit the amount of water they use or there will be no water left in the future. And so, they will need to buy water supply in another country and it will cost an enormous expense.In conclusion, while the government try their best to limit the amount of water using, I believe that water is resource that all of us can use it freely

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

There are two errors in the instructions.

Water is a valuable finite resource, so  governments all over the world should control how much water their citizens use.  To what extent  do you agree or disagree?

At 350 words, your essay is longer than necessary. Aim for 270-290 words.

Water is definitely eternal (wrong word, missing article) a critical and limited resource. Without it, we cannot survive. Today, to reduce the waste of water, many governments have enacted a lot of laws to control and limit the amount of water that used on domestic and agricultural. (wrong usage. These words are adjectives. They need a noun to follow.) While I agree that water should be limited in supply, ~~but~~ (wrong word) I believe that water is a natural resource that we can use freely.

You did not answer the prompt clearly. You contradicted yourself - you say that the supply of water is limited but we can use it as if it is unlimited. The reader is completely baffled by this statement.

The question is: To what extent do you agree or disagree? You need to use an adverb of extent: completely, totally, wholeheartedly, somewhat, partly, partially, with reservations. For example:

I completely disagree. Governments must not limit the amount of water that its people can use.
I somewhat agree. While water is a scarce resource, citizens should be allowed enough to conduct their daily lives.
I wholeheartedly agree. We need to conserve water so the next generations will have enough and the best strategy is for governments to place restrictions on usage.
I totally agree that fresh water is an extremely scarce resource and the rate at which it is consumed must be less than the rate at which it can be replenished. Only the government has the power and resources to ensure this happens.

On the one hand, water is such a vital resource that we cannot live without it. (You original sentence is not natural English. I added the words to complete the grammar "such .... that") For example, we require ~~use~~ (avoid repetition) water in most of daily activities like drinking water, watering trees or taking a shower. For this reason, the government cannot limit the amount of water we use / being used ~~using~~ (wrong form) in daily life. Moreover, water is not only the vital resource (repetitious. Avoid excess repetition. You will lose points on lexical resource.) but it is also commercial goods. (wrong usage. This does not make sense.) For instance, the government can make ~~have~~ a large profit if they can manage as well to provide water for the citizens. As a result, they can have enormous (wrong usage "enormous money" is not a valid collocation.) money to build more ~~social~~ (wrong word) buildings like hospitals, schools, station (ungrammatical series. Missing conjunction) in order to make the standard life (wrong phrase - I think you meant "standard of living" or "quality of life" ) better.

On the other hand, I believe that the government has their rights and justifications to limit the water using. (wrong form) In addition, ~~we should know that~~ two thirds (two-thirds) of earth is water, (wrong information. The core at the center is composed primarily of iron and nickel, and Earth’s mantle and crust are composed of silicate rock and minerals. ) but only 3% of it is usable. ~~can be used in living~~. As an example, we cannot use seawater ~~to cover our living~~ because there is too much salt in it. Consequently, the amount of water using in daily living is a much higher percentage of the available fresh water supply ~~more~~ than we imagine, and if the government doesn’t (Do not use contractions in formal essays.) control it, it will run out really quickly. Secondly, the more of population the world has, the more quickly the water will be gone / depleted ~~runs~~ ~~out.~~ (repetitious) For instance, if the country has a large population, it means they need to limit the amount of water they use or there will be no water left in the future. And so, they will need to buy water ~~supply~~ in from another country and it will cost an enormous expense. (wrong collocation. Phones cost money. Expenses do not cost money. We do not buy expenses. Also, use other words rather than "enormous and huge" these are overused. e.g. It will be an overwhelming / immense / unimaginably large / a staggering / burdensome / expense. )

In conclusion, while the government try (wrong form) their best to limit the amount of water using, I believe that water is a resource that all of us can use it freely (missing punctuation) (I do not understand this. You did not answer the essay topic.)

Writing. can you look through my writing in task 2?

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