Writing An Essay

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Hi! I am writing an essay for my 7th grade Language Arts class, and although teachers say I am an excellent writer, I never get above a 89 on my essays. Reading Comprehension might have something to do with my struggles, but I'd like some help writing as well.
My essay is on The Hiding Place. Here is my introduction paragraph so far: Harriet Tubman. Martin Luther King, Jr. Jesus. These historical figures all educated us with important lessons that left a mark on our society, as did Cornelia “Corrie” ten Boom, a Holocaust survivor and the author of The Hiding Place. The Hiding Place, written about Corrie and her family living in Holland during the Holocaust in World War Two, illustrates Corrie’s incredible experiences with the awful era of Nazi rule, and how she managed to save thousands of Jews. Corrie’s experiences taught her many important life lessons, just as she teaches us in The Hiding Place. Corrie ten Boom learns lessons about God, lying, and giving thanks in all circumstances.
Also, what does whilst mean?

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Harriet Tubman. Martin Luther King, Jr. Jesus. These people did not educate us (you and me). They died before you and I were born. Think of a different way to say what you mean.

These historical figures all educated us with important lessons that left a mark on our society, as did Cornelia “Corrie” ten Boom, a Holocaust survivor and the author of The Hiding Place. The Hiding Place, written about Corrie and her family living in Holland during the Holocaust in World War Two, illustrates Corrie’s incredible experiences in the awful era of **** rule, and how she managed to save thousands of Jews. Corrie’s experiences taught her many important life lessons, just as she teaches us in The Hiding Place. Corrie ten Boom learned lessons about ***, lying, and giving thanks in all circumstances.

I have been to Corrie's house in Haarlem as well as Anne Frank's hiding place in Amsterdam. It is difficult to imagine how they lived every day in fear, under oppressive occupation. Besides Jews, Corrie and her family saved pilots and airmen whose planes had been forced down.

AnonymousAlso, what does whilst mean?

It is an old spelling for "while."

Emilyvolleyballer · Answer

I fixed it just a little-

Harriet Tubman. Martin Luther King, Jr. Jesus. These historical figures all educated us with important lessons that left a mark on our society, as did Cornelia “Corrie” ten Boom, a Holocaust survivor and the author of The Hiding Place. The Hiding Place, written about Corrie and her family living in Holland during the Holocaust in World War Two, illustrates Corrie’s incredible experiences with the awful era of **** rule, and how she managed to save thousands of Jews. Corrie’s experiences taught her many important life lessons, just as she teaches us in The Hiding Place. Corrie ten Boom learns lessons about ***, lying, and giving thanks in all circumstances.
Also, what does whilst mean? Educated us all, .Make it a period. then Capitalize the next word "As"

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