0
Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
Letter Writing

Writing a letter of purpose - may anyone help me?

0 I prepare this letter to apply for a scholarship in a University in Europe (Norway), the deadline for this scholarship is quite close, so I really appreciate comments and corrections to my letter.02br
00 Thank in advance!02br
02br
00Dear Sir or Madam, 02br
00with this letter I want to explain my motivation to spend one semester in Norway generally and at the BI Norwegian School of Management in particular to 01a00broaden 02a02br
00 00my business acquirements and my 01a00individual02a00 00 experiences. I am currently in my seventh semester 01a00at02a00 00 my studies in Business Administration and Engineering (Dipl.-Ing.) at the University of Technology and I am scheduling my stay abroad for the 1001sup00th02sup00 semester which is my last graduate semester, starting in january 2008. After an internship I am going to 01a00finalise 02a00 00my studies 01a00at02a00 00 the end of the 1101sup00th02sup00 semester. 02br
00From an experience abroad I am expecting a challenge in professional and personal domains and I hope to improve my in-depht knowledge, my language 01a00ability 02a02br
00 00and other crucial qualifications at a distinguished university in the culturally and historically very interesting 01a00capital 02a00 00city of Oslo. 01a00Getting a new perspective on my 02a01a00life02a00 00 00 00from a foreign european country is one of my major intents.00 02br
00I finished my undergraduate studies very successfully in the fifth semester, 01a00whereupon 02a00 00I was furthermore 01a00permited 02a00 00to attend some graduate courses.02br
00In my graduate courses I focussed technically on automobile engineering and logistics, economically on infrastructure and in business on finance / investment and strategic 00management, whereupon my performance was 01a00above average02a00 00 01a00hitherto02a00 00. Because my semester abroad is going to be my last one, I will bring along plenty of knowledge, what keeps 00determined00 and prosperous studies at BI Norwegian School of Management in good stead. 02br
00Among my studies I am working at the XXXXX, an economic teaching and research unit in the School of Economics & Management at Berlin University of Technology as a project assistant. This is were I also wrote my “01a00Studienarbeit02a00 00” 01a00which deals with an economic 02a01a00topic 02a00 00concerning comparisons between “Public-Private-Partnerships” and the traditional procurement approac00 00h. In the framework of the project work at the XXXXX, where I am 01a00consigned 02a00 00with basically technical 01a00exercise02a00 00s, my skills to work arduous, motivated and my ability to work under hard pressure 01a00are appraised02a00 00 very positive. 01a00By reason02a00 00 of a technical 01a00relevant 02a05001a00third-party funds 02a00 00project lasting until December 2007, it is regrettably not possible for me to spend a whole academic year abroad. 01a00After02a05100 00 00my degree I am 01a00planning 02a05200a career in the 01a00field of management02a05300 with a bias towards automotive industry, whereas am not commited yet. 01a00Work placements02a05400 and other practical experiences as well as my work at the XXXXX should encourage my decision making. 02br
02br
00I choose the country of Norway as my desired destination abroad, because I 01a00am fascinated02a00 by this country already for a long time. With an unique history and its inimitable residents and the terrific nature, Norway provides a multitude of well worth knowing and unique peculiarities. Because the 01a00language02a00 01a00of02a00 01a00instruction02a00 is going to be English and this language accompanied my until my “Abitur” in an specialised course, I discern no problems in communication during and besides the studies. Thereby I think it will be feasible to settle in the norwegian society and to experience the culture and people. During three long journeys, I had the chance to discover – even if from a perspective of an vacationist – the interesting and enriching sides of Norway and its citizens. 02br
02br
00The BI Norwegian School of Management provides an opportunity for me to achieve the goals I expect from a stay abroad. The BI as the 00largest business school in Europe is a worldwide known and reputable, international orientated school and it would be an ideal supplement to my attended studies with the courses (00predominantly in strategic management) 00I selected from the wide range of course options. The consequent demand to educate01a00 for 02a00an successful career accomodates me very much. 00The courses offered fit very well with my hitherto existing studies, my interests and my abilities because teamwork, ??? and ???01a00 looms large02a02br
05500. Studies at the BI Norwegian School of Management would furthermore, due to the internationality of the school, provide an insight into nationalities and cultures throughout the world. This would open up new and diverse perspectives and it would broaden my horizon with supposably grandiose experiences. 02br
00I hope with this letter I revealed my impetus and my desire to spend one semester in an amazing country at an unique school of management. I feel confident that my qualifications are01a00 more than 02a00sufficient and that I am able to meet the postulated and the forthcoming demands. 02br
02br
00I am looking forward to a potential semester at the BI Norwegian School of Management and I hope I managed to convince you of my personage and my request. Hopefully you 01a00get down to02a00a positive appraisal of my application. 02br
02br
02br
02br
00Thank you very much for your efforts.02br
02br
02br
02br
00Yours faithfully02br
02br
00XXX02br
00 02br
02hr
02br
02br
02br
02br
05602br
0510name_msoanchor_21511name_msoanchor_23512name_msoanchor_24513name_msoanchor_25514name_msoanchor_26515name_msoanchor_29516name_msocom_1
  

Top answer

0I've only thoroughly checked the parts you've highlighted in blue as I take it these are the words you are not sure of. 02br 02br 00However, a quick scan shows many other problems. I get the impression you wrote this with a dictionary in your hand and have tried to force in as many complex words as possible to impress the reader - but you are not using them all correctly and the effect is rather comical in parts.

  • 0I've only thoroughly checked the parts you've highlighted in blue as I take it these are the words you are not sure of.
  • 02br 02br 00However, a quick scan shows many other problems.
  • I get the impression you wrote this with a dictionary in your hand and have tried to force in as many complex words as possible to impress the reader - but you are not using them all correctly and the effect is rather comical in parts.
  • Go through and re-write with your normal, natural, language.
  • I've highlighted the worst errors for you in yellow but there are also others, for example you have problems knowing when to use an/a.
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

2 Answers
0
0I've only thoroughly checked the parts you've highlighted in blue as I take it these are the words you are not sure of. If I've left them blue, they are ok, or I've made corrections in red.02br
02br
00However, a quick scan shows many other problems. I get the impression you wrote this with a dictionary in your hand and have tried to force in as many complex words as possible
0
0 Thank you very much so far! 0-

Related Questions