writing a formal letter to the university to ask more information

Question

could you please correct my letter:For whom it may concern, My name is Didoune XXX and I am currently studying Physical Chemistry at the University of XXXX. Even if I am going to obtain my DEA (Diplome d’Etude Approfodie)  which is the first year of Doctorate according to the old French academic system, I would like to do a full master program at your university. I am writing this e-mail to let you know that I would like to apply for the AAA project. This project is a great opportunity for me to study at XXXX university, one of the best universities in the world. To facilitate my application, could you please give me information about documents I should provide and/or people I should contact.I am looking forward receiving you answer.Sincerely yours,Didoune XXX

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Didoune,
I have a number of suggestions, not all of which are exactly about your use of English - some concern researching who you are writing to in order to more accurately address your letter. You may, for example, be writing to the academic registrar at the institution - you may even be able to find out their name online. The polite thing to do when writing is to consider the needs of the reader. In this case they are a busy professional person.

It is incorrect to start your letter by saying "my name is......". Your name is written on the bottom of the letter - they will figure it out. There is no need to tell them you are writing an e-mail. They know that - they are reading it.

It would be good practice to state your business at the start of the letter as clearly and simply as possible. "I would like some information to help me to apply for the AAA project" appears to be the point of your letter, the rest is supporting information.

Then you have a second paragraph giving the information about what you are studying and at what level.

Finally a third paragraph which is just the sentence about what a great opportunity it would be for you, with perhaps the sentence "I look forward to hearing from you." after it.

Your new letter will look a bit short and stark, but the key point is to remember the needs of the reader. It is not about flowery prose or introducing yourself, it is about giving them succinctly the information they need to help you in a professional way - and it is this that makes it a polite letter.

There are rules for closing "Yours faithfully," goes at the end of a letter addressed to Dear Sir/Madam/Job Title. "Yours sincerely" goes at the end of a letter addressed to an individual. It is customary to end an e-mail with "Regards" but clearly you are attempting a bit more formality here, so yours faithfully might be good. "Sincerely yours" makes you sound a little like an American chat show host, which is, I think, not quite the impression you are aiming for!

I do hope this helps you and you get where you want to go. Good luck.

Didoune · Answer

I followed your advices and I got this:

Drear Mr ***,

I would like to apply for the AAA project. To facilitate my application, could you please give me information about documents I should provide and/or people I should contact.

I am currently studying Chemistry at the University of ***. Even if I am going to obtain my DEA (Diplome d’Etude Approfodie) which is the first year of Doctorate according to the old French academic system, I would like to make a full master program at your university.

This project is a great opportunity for me to study at one of the best universities in the world. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Didoune XXXX

_______________________________
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