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Jenn123 Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Writing
Hi, could anyone please proofread the following sentence. Thanks in advance.
A ship captain and his mate are getting ready to set sail for a next trip, they discover the dead body of Mia, the ship owner's wife, hanged gruesomely on the ship’s mast. To avoid shocking everyone, the captain decides to hide the body and get rid of it by later throwing it in the middle of the sea. However, his plan backfires when the body vanishes. Mia’s spirit starts roam the ship and haunting the sailors onboard who have nowhere to run to as they are surrounded by the stormy sea.
A ship captain and his mate are getting ready to set sail for a next trip, they discover the dead body of Mia, the ship owner's wife, hanged gruesomely on the ship’s mast. To avoid shocking everyone, the captain decides to hide the body and get rid of it by later throwing it in the middle of the sea. However, his plan backfires when the body vanishes. Mia’s spirit starts roam the ship and haunting the sailors onboard who have nowhere to run to as they are surrounded by the stormy sea.
Top answer
The following is more grammatical, although not as colorful as your version: As a ship's captain and his first mate are getting ready to sail, they discover the dead body of the ship's owner's wife, Mia, hanging from the mast. To avoid a scandal, the captain decides to hide the body, and then get rid of it later by tossing it overboard when they are out to sea. But his plan backfires when the body vanishes on its own, and Mia's ghost starts to haunt the ship as it's caught in a storm.
- The following is more grammatical, although not as colorful as your version: As a ship's captain and his first mate are getting ready to sail, they discover the dead body of the ship's owner's wife, Mia, hanging from the mast.
- To avoid a scandal, the captain decides to hide the body, and then get rid of it later by tossing it overboard when they are out to sea.
- But his plan backfires when the body vanishes on its own, and Mia's ghost starts to haunt the ship as it's caught in a storm.
- The crew is terrified but have nowhere to run.
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3 Answers
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The following is more grammatical, although not as colorful as your version:
As a ship's captain and his first mate are getting ready to sail, they discover the dead body of the ship's owner's wife, Mia, hanging from the mast. To avoid a scandal, the captain decides to hide the body, and then get rid of it later by tossing it overboard when they are out to sea. But his plan backfires wh
As a ship's captain and his first mate are getting ready to sail, they discover the dead body of the ship's owner's wife, Mia, hanging from the mast. To avoid a scandal, the captain decides to hide the body, and then get rid of it later by tossing it overboard when they are out to sea. But his plan backfires wh
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Thank you. Your writing sounds perfect to me. So much better than my version. Simple and clean. Thank you once again.Could you please tell me do I need to remove the "set" word from the paragraph below? This is the summarize version of the long writing.
A ship captain and his mate discover the dead body of Mia, the ship owner's wife, when they are getting ready to set sail. They soon rea
A ship captain and his mate discover the dead body of Mia, the ship owner's wife, when they are getting ready to set sail. They soon rea
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