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RONIN1987 Posted 12 years ago
Letter Writing

Writing

Hello, everyone.
I just wrote this passage, Could someone please tell me that Is it  a well-written writing(grammatically and semantically)?

I have always been interested in pursuing a career in the food industry particularly in animal-derived foods. I believe that food science is the only program which can train students in the safety, processing, and quality of foods. Therefore, I have determined to become a food scientist. Furthermore, as a veterinarian, I have a role in protecting the nation's food supply by guaranteeing health of production-type animals such as dairy cattle, beef, and poultry; by reviewing the safety of the food production process. In this respect, by studying food science, I will have a great opportunity to broaden my knowledge and skill set in the food industry. Being a food scientist and a veterinarian at the same time, could provide me all necessary elements to be a successful person especially in diary and meat sectors which are my favorite fields of work.
  

Top answer

I have always been interested in pursuing a career in the food industry particularly in animal-derived foods. I believe that food science is the only program which can train students in the safety, processing, and quality of foods. Therefore, I am determined to become a food scientist.

  • I have always been interested in pursuing a career in the food industry particularly in animal-derived foods.
  • I believe that food science is the only program which can train students in the safety, processing, and quality of foods.
  • Therefore, I am determined to become a food scientist.
  • Furthermore, as a veterinarian (This is a surprise to the reader.
  • You should have a transition sentence, eg.
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1 Answers
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I have always been interested in pursuing a career in the food industry particularly in animal-derived foods. I believe that food science is the only program which can train students in the safety, processing, and quality of foods. Therefore, I am determined to become a food scientist. Furthermore, as a veterinarian (This is a surprise to the reader. You should have a transition sen

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