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Contiluo Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Writing

Which is better, (1) or (2) ?

(1) On Amy's ninth birthday, her parents gave her a secret present in a box. Opening the box, Amy was pleasantly surprised to see a lovely puppy inside which she had expected as a pet for a long time.

(2) On Amy's ninth birthday, her parents gave her a surprise present in a box. Opening the box, Amy was thrilled to find a lovely puppy which she had been hoping for as a pet for a long time.
  

Top answer

Problems with #1: A puppy would thrill most children. Being "pleasantly surprised" is an odd response. Bigger problem: You can't be surprised by something you've expected for a long time.

— BarbaraPA

  • Problems with #1: A puppy would thrill most children.
  • Being "pleasantly surprised" is an odd response.
  • Bigger problem: You can't be surprised by something you've expected for a long time.
  • "
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2 Answers
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Problems with #1:
A puppy would thrill most children. Being "pleasantly surprised" is an odd response.
Bigger problem: You can't be surprised by something you've expected for a long time.

Either way, put a comma before "which."
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I rewrite the sentences as following. Are they acceptable? Which is better, (1) or (2) ?

(1) On Amy's ninth birthday, her parents gave her a secret present in a box. Upon she opened the box, she was thrilled to find a puppy inside.

(2) On Amy's ninth birthday, her parents gave her a secret present in a box. Opening the box, she was thrilled to find a puppy inside.
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