Write-up

Question

Can someone please check this sentence? Let me know if there's a grammar mistake, thank you.

Short Synopsis
Three friends who dream of building new lives with their loved ones are shattered when they get involved in crime once again.

Long Synopsis
This sequel of Juvana continues the story of Daim, Botak and Ayam as they attempt to adjust to life once their sentences are over. Botak is determined to start a new leaf with his father while Ayam takes care of Apek’s brother until he is released. But, their hopes shattered when Botak’s father becomes a drug addict and Apek’s brother involves in a criminal gang. The situation worsens when their beloved is kidnapped by the ruthless To Ki. At the same time, Daim continues to pursue his study in law.

Wilpeter · Accepted Answer

“Three friends, who dream of building new lives with their loved ones, are shattered when they once again become involved in crime.”

“This sequel of Juvana continues the story of Daim, Botak and Ayam as they attempt to adjust to life once their sentences are over (or served?). Botak is determined to turn over a new leaf with his father, while Ayam takes care of Apek’s brother until he is released. But (no comma) their hopes are shattered when Botak’s father becomes a drug addict, and Apek’s brother becomes involved in a criminal gang. The situation worsens when their beloved* is kidnapped by the ruthless To Ki. At the same time, Daim continues to pursue his study in law.”

*does the context explain who their beloved is?
One starts a new day (or a new page) or turns over a new leaf.
Prison sentences are served or ended.

Jenn123 · Answer

wilpeterThis sequel of Juvana continues the story of Daim, Botak and Ayam as they attempt to adjust to life once their sentences are over (or served?). Botak is determined to turn over a new leaf with his father, while Ayam takes care of Apek’s brother until he is released. But (no comma) their hopes are shattered when Botak’s father becomes a drug addict, and Apek’s brother becomes involved in a criminal gang. The situation worsens when their beloved* is kidnapped by the ruthless To Ki. At the same time, Daim continues to pursue his study in law.”

Thanks for the response, wilpeter. Yeah, I felt it too earlier "who their beloved one is"? but I unable to answer your question since I got the long synopsis from online sources and I have summarized it in my own, which you have reviewed earlier. Please see the long synopsis below for more understanding on the story

Outline (online sources)
Picking up from the events of the first film, Botak and Ayam are finally freed, following their rescue of civilians during the riot initiated by Lan Todak, a villainous character they face and triumph over in their new school, Indera Sakti. After reuniting with the other boys, Botak heads home hoping for a better future with his father while Ayam goes to Apek’s home to look after his siblings as entreated by Apek until his return. Their dreams for a bright future immediately come to a dead end: Apek's younger brother is a member of a vicious gang known as Jebat Gang, whereas Botak's dad is now a drug addict. Meanwhile, Daim is now pursuing a law degree, but his girlfriend Sara, thinks he's wasting time trying to reconnect with his ex-juvenile buddies. The boys' lives take a turn for the worst when their same loved ones are kidnapped by the ruthless and brutal Tok Ki, whose motives are shrouded in mystery, forcing the boys into a race against time to rescue their loved ones. In the end, the only ally who might be able to help them on their quest might just turn out to be their own worst enemy: their evil ex-headmaster, Encik Raja.

Short summary (my own write up)

This sequel of Juvana continues the story of Daim, Botak and Ayam as they attempt to adjust to life once their sentences are over. Botak is determined to starts a new day with his father, while Ayam takes care of Apek’s brother until he is released. But their hopes are shattered when Botak’s father becomes a drug addict, and Apek’s brother becomes involved in a criminal gang. The situation worsens when their loved are kidnapped by the ruthless To Ki, whose motives are shrouded in mystery. ( Is the short summary's ending confusing or the story is hanging?)

Appreciate your help, thanks in advance.

Picking up from the events of the first film, Botak and Ayam are finally freed, following their rescue of civilians during the riot initiated by Lan Todak, a villainous character they face and triumph over in their new school, Indera Sakti. After reuniting with the other boys, Botak heads home hoping for a better future with his father while Ayam goes to Apek’s home to look after his siblings as entreated by Apek until his return. Their dreams for a bright future immediately come to a dead end: Apek's younger brother is a member of a vicious gang known as Jebat Gang, whereas Botak's dad is now a drug addict. Meanwhile, Daim is now pursuing a law degree, but his girlfriend Sara, thinks he's wasting time trying to reconnect with his ex-juvenile buddies. The boys' lives take a turn for the worst when their same loved ones are kidnapped by the ruthless and brutal Tok Ki, whose motives are shrouded in mystery, forcing the boys into a race against time to rescue their loved ones. In the end, the only ally who might be able to help them on their quest might just turn out to be their own worst enemy: their evil ex-headmaster, Encik Raja.
Summary
This sequel of Juvana continues the story of Daim, Botak and Ayam as they attempt to adjust to life once their sentences are over. Botak is determined to starts a new day with his father, while Ayam takes care of Apek’s brother until he is released. But their hopes are shattered when Botak’s father becomes a drug addict, and Apek’s brother becomes involved in a criminal gang. The situation worsens when their loved are kidnapped by the ruthless To Ki, whose motives are shrouded in mystery.

Wilpeter · Answer

Second sentence of short summary: "starts" should be "start"; and in the fourth sentence, "ones" is missing after "loved".

In the long version:
I’m not comfortable with the word ‘ex-juvenile’ (buddies). I suppose everyone becomes an ex-juvenile, but is there a name for that stage or early adulthood?
It seems contradictory to refer to Encik Raja as being both ‘the only ally’ and ‘their evil ex-headmaster’. Perhaps ‘evil’ is a bit harsh and he merely has a dubious reputation? When you say ‘turn out to be’, are you using it in the sense of ‘become’ (changing) or ‘discover’ (re-evaluating)?

Jenn123 · Answer

wilpeter’m not comfortable with the word ‘ex-juvenile’ (buddies). I suppose everyone becomes an ex-juvenile, but is there a name for that stage or early adulthood? ( I think they should have, but since I got this summary from online, I unable to find out more on the info.)

When you say ‘turn out to be’, are you using it in the sense of ‘become’ (changing) or ‘discover’ (re-evaluating)? I'm refeering to "become"

Short summary ( I have revised it again, please help me to review)
This sequel of Juvana continues the story of Daim, Botak, Apek and Ayam as they attempt to adjust to life once their sentences are over. But their hopes are shattered when Botak’s father becomes a drug addict, and Apek’s brother becomes involved in a criminal gang. The situation worsens when their loved ones are kidnapped by the ruthless To Ki, whose motives are shrouded in mystery. Are this boy’s successfully rescue their loved ones?

Thanks for your feedback.

Wilpeter · Answer

Jenn123 Are this boy’s successfully rescue their loved ones?

The final sentence in the summary is now "hanging" and encouraging. However, I'm pretty sure you meant to say:
"Will these boys successfully rescue their loved ones?"
Otherwise, it is good.

Jenn123 · Answer

wilpeterWill these boys successfully rescue their loved ones?"

Yeah, that's what I want to say it. Glad you can read my mind, I was struggling to get this line. Thank ***, you came out with the right one. Thanks once again, wilpeter. Yes, I can say that my sentence sounds more suspense now when I end up with "?". It's more important to be interested than just a normal writing.

So the final one gonna be as:
This sequel of Juvana continues the story of Daim, Botak, Apek and Ayam as they attempt to adjust to life once their sentences are over. But their hopes are shattered when Botak’s father becomes a drug addict, and Apek’s brother becomes involved in a criminal gang. The situation worsens when their loved ones are kidnapped by the ruthless To Ki, whose motives are shrouded in mystery. Will these boys successfully rescue their loved ones?

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