Write about an exciting holiday you have experienced. (about 10 sentences)

Question

I have an assignment at school last week, and i wanted to know what score i got. Can you help me? Here is my essay.

My holiday

Last summer, I had the best holiday of my life when I took a day trip to Da Lat with my friend. I chose to visit Da Lat because it is a beautiful, dreamy destination with many kinds of popular flowers and captivating scenery. In the morning, I visited Xuan Huong lake with my friends, and It impressed me with its graceful-looking appearance. I was excited because I could take photos on a splendidly- decorated carriage, and join duck riding on the lake. At 9 A.M, I visited Domaine de Marie Church to check in with my friends. In the Afternoon, I enjoyed a lovely picnic with some sandwiches and tea. After that, we explored the natural flora and the unique culture of ethnic minorities through climbing activities. When the sky was nearly dark, we returned to our camping site and started to light the campfire. All night, I had a barbecue party with my friends, and we told stories and contemplated the glamour sky here. After the holiday, I had many great moments and new experiences that I cannot forget.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

daungoc73I ~~have~~ had an assignment at school last week,

"last week" is in the past. You need the past tense verb "had."

daungoc73 i wanted to know what score i got.

You need to write good English here. "i" is a letter of the alphabet. It is not a person.

Ask your teacher about the score. We do not score writing because grading systems are quite different.

daungoc73Here is my essay.

An essay has more than one paragraph. You have one paragraph, so it is a paragraph, not an essay.

There are certain things in your paragraph that are inconsistent. Did you go with one friend, or many friends? Was it a day trip, or an overnight trip?

The grammar is quite good. There are a few words that are not used correctly.

Last summer, I had the best holiday of my life when I took a day trip to Da Lat with my friend. (You went with one other person.) I chose to visit Da Lat because it is a beautiful, dreamy destination with many kinds of popular flowers and captivating scenery. In the morning, we (It is you and your friend, so the correct pronoun is "we.") visited Xuan Huong lake with my friends, (This is confusing. Did you meet a group of other friends there?) and It impressed me with its graceful-looking ("Graceful" applies to a person, not a lake. Do you mean peaceful?) appearance. I was excited because I could take photos on a splendidly- decorated (no hyphen) carriage, and join duck riding (Ducks are birds that swim on the water. Did you ride on a duck? How?) on the lake. At 9 A.M, I visited Domaine de Marie Church to check in with my friends. In the Afternoon, (no capital letter) I enjoyed a lovely picnic with some sandwiches and tea. After that, we explored the natural flora and the unique culture of ethnic minorities through climbing activities. (I do not understand how you can explore culture by climbing.) When the sky was nearly dark, we returned to our ~~camping~~ camp site and ~~started to light the~~ made a campfire. (Then this was not a day trip, when you leave in the morning and return before dark.) All night, (Did you eat constantly from dark until the sun rose the next morning?) I had a barbecue party with my friends, and we told stories and contemplated the glamour (wrong word) sky here. After the holiday, I had many great moments and new experiences that I cannot forget.

Anonymous · Answer

The storyline and vocabulary was very good, but you could have added more description of what you did

Write about an exciting holiday you have experienced. (about 10 sentences)

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