Write a paragraph about benefits of learning at university

Question

Being a student at university brings about a number of upsides. To begin with, students are likely to have a golden chance to grow independent and build up self-confidence. You will learn to take care of yourself and manage time and money when you live far from familiar network. That you learn how to deal with arising problem without parents is reason behind improving problem-solving skills. The second benefit is about opportunities to learn soft skills. To be specific, you can enjoy team spirit and enhance team-working skills when you have assigning projects which means team work. Presentation skills will improve moreand more, especially self-confidence when presentation is requires for most subjects. Finally, it is a general truth that higher education enhances employment opportunities. University graduates have more advantages than those who do not go to university when hunting for job. It is very difficult for a high school graduate to compare with a university graduate when both applying for the same position. In conclusion, there are numerous positive aspects of attending higher education.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

tracy nguyen 4121Being a student at university brings a number of benefits.

To bring something about is to cause it to happen. The benefits do not happen. There is only one upside.

tracy nguyen 4121To begin with, you are given a chance to grow independent and build self-confidence.

Now is the time to switch to "you". The expression is "golden opportunity", and as such it cannot be varied, but still, it is a cliche, which is a bad thing. "Likely to have" is weak. You can build up your self-confidence, but in my native judgment, without the pronoun, a plain "build" is better.

tracy nguyen 4121You learn to take care of yourself and manage time and money when you live far from your familiar network.

"You learn" is the general case, which is what you want. "Far from familiar network" is unidiomatic—"network" needs an article or pronoun.

tracy nguyen 4121Learning how to deal with problems that arise without the help of your parents is what strengthens your problem-solving skills.

What you wrote was actually correct enough (if you add "the" before "reason"), but it did not sound natural.

tracy nguyen 4121The second benefit is the opportunity to learn soft skills.

I would start a new paragraph. What you wrote seemed a bit indirect. Be forthright.

tracy nguyen 4121To be specific, you can enjoy team spirit and enhance teamwork skills when you are assigned projects that involve teamwork.

"Which" is best left for non-restrictive relative clauses. "Which" is not wrong there at all, but it sounds fussy to some of us.

tracy nguyen 4121

Your presentation skills will improve more and more, especially your self-confidence, since presentation is required for most subjects.

Only omit the article or pronoun when you mean the general case. The phrase "especially your self-confidence" is parenthetical and therefore takes a comma both before and after it. I guessed at "since", but "when" did not fit.

tracy nguyen 4121Finally, it is common knowledge that higher education enhances employment opportunities.

I would start a new paragraph. There is not much wrong with "general truth", but it does not sound very natural to me.

tracy nguyen 4121University graduates have the advantage over those who have not gone to university when hunting for a job.

I would delete this whole sentence because it merely repeats the sentence before it in a different way. Either that, or use this sentence in place of "it is common …" above.

tracy nguyen 4121It is very difficult for a high-school graduate to compete with a university graduate when the two are applying for the same position.

"Both" is redundant with "same". This is an extremely minor point, a veritable nit.

tracy nguyen 4121 In conclusion, there are several positive effects of higher education.

You can't have aspects of attending. You can't attend higher education. I tried to say what I thought you meant, but I would be glad to see you try this sentence again.

Not bad, all in all. I understood you just fine, I think.

Write a paragraph about benefits of learning at university

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