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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago

Would you please judge me (-:

0Hi everyone02br
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00Glittering and beaming while getting high02br
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00Attracting and catching eveyone's eye02br
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00The real waves of serenity and peace 02br
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00Holding you love never leaving a piece02br
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00Am I dear pal thinking of Moon ?02br
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00Or 's it just dusk, darkness and soon;02br
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00Night falling wherever the paths would go02br
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00Misleading nor leading a weary passeger though02br
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00He keeps looking up guided by a star02br
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00Alas he's lost far..so far..02br
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00your comments are welcomed by me ...as rain drops welcomed by dry desert......02br
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00Mona 0-
  

Top answer

I want your replies and comments please... YOURS

  • I want your replies and comments please...
  • YOURS
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3 Answers
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I'm new memeber Mona Dickens...I want your replies and comments please...

YOURS
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I'll restrict myself to commenting on the rhythm and nothing else.


Glittering and beaming while getting high

Attracting and catching everyone's eye


Great start! A nice rhythm going like a babbling brook. But you have set an expectation that you will carry on like that for a while and come to an abrupt halt. A bit like following the first few bars of the
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Hi Forbes.......

Thanks alot for your efforts...it helped my shaking poetic lines so much..though I'm not an English native speaker but English poetry attacted me so..

actually I'm still considering myself as an english learner so far !! but that poem came out of somewhere ..!!

Again.... thanks dear Forbes...

Yours

Mona Dickens ( -;

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