Would you please help me with my motivation letter?(bocol, China)

Hello!

I'm bocol from China. I'm going to apply for an abroad study in France in the fields of Computer Science. Here is my motivation letter. Honestly, this letter is also from www.EnglishForward.com , and I just modified it because I have the similar background with the host. Would you please help to improve it?

Here is the url of the original letter: .

Content below is my letter:

Mr. ******
*****Apartment,
No. **, ********* Road,
city name. post code,China, PRC
Dear Sir or Madam:

My name is ******, I'm ** years old. I am applying for the Engineering Degree(Diplome d'Ingenieur) in the fields of computer science and software engineering.

I graduated in Computer Software Engineering with a dual bachelor degree(second bachelor degree) in 2005 from Tsinghua University and before that I have got my bachelor degree in Advanced Polymer Science and Engineering in East China University of Science and Techology. My studies focused on basic computer science and management of software engineering. In a graduate project with 7 months internship in a company, I gained experience with the whole process of software engineering. I took part in a project of goverment information system, including project design, code development, product testing and technical support. After graduation I am now working for software deparment of Gameloft(Beijing) who is the topmost provider of mobile games in the world and with its headquarter in Paris. I enjoy my work. Through my education and work, I became passionate to learn more about computer science.

Computer Science is fascinating and useful to be researched because it improves people's lives greatly and speeds up the productability with less labor but higher efficiencies. Moreover, computer controlled industrial robots, instead of people, can be used to work in dangerous environments. With the continued development of global high technology industries, computer will play an increasingly important role.

France has pioneered many advancements in science and engineering. It created the famous National Space Research Center and participated in development of computer and communication industries. Science and engineering continue to flourish in France today. France's scientists and engineering are working in exciting projects and industries such as the International Space Station, development of pharmaceuticals, next advanced Airbus design, and advanced computer and communication technologies to name a few. Because of France's reputation as an innovative country and culture, its engineering graduates are well respected internationally. With a solid engineering background, French trained engineers are free to chart their own course (or destination). I am looking forward to studying at the ngineering program in France because I will gain valuable engineering knowledge and be exposed to the beautiful French language and culture. After graduation, I am confident that I will become a professional engineer and continue to make significant contributions towards my company's success.

Thank you very much for considering my application. I am looking forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,
******

Thank you very much. :-).