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Mathias25 Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Would you please correct this essay?

Topic: Since the invention of nuclear weapons we have had a long period of global peace and stability. Are nuclear weapons global peacemakers or killing devices?

The US launched nuclear weapons in the mornings of August 6th and August 9th of 1945 to Japan, generating hundreds of thousands of innocent deads, without counting the posterior ones caused by the radiation that was in the place. Nuclear weapons are some of the most massive killing devices weapons that have ever existed. This weapon can incinerate persons that are in the epicenter of the bomb and the places surrounding it in just seconds. This weapon should be eliminated from earth because it is a danger to the planet and persons, a fact that is much worse than generating some decades of "global peace". Also, it is an inhumane way to kill an individual, that is against to any kind of moral value.

First of all, nuclear weapons do not just kill people, it also destroys the planet with all the fire and radiation that it produces. For example, after the bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki there were many fishes and plants affected by the radiation. Also, the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and its close cities were full of radiation, making it inhabitable. This is just an example of a small bomb that took place because it happened seventy years before and painfully, countries such as the same US or Russia have created even more destructive bombs, without learning from the past. This fact is a danger for the planet because if a nuclear war is made, the planet could be destroyed and all the human race with it.

Secondly, the kind of dead that this weapon generates is terrible and should not exist in the XXI century. Many people think that now, in this century, the human is civilized because of the high level of technology and knowledge that we have. However, those people do not know that this technology and knowledge could be used in a bad manner, such as creating devastating nuclear bombs that are against any moral value such as tolerance for the other people's life or even tolerate a person to give a decent dead (that is also unacceptable, but at least better). Moreover, it is against to any religion, like the catholic religion and its commandments such as the one that says that "you will not kill".

By the danger that causes to the planet and persons, and the opposition to moral values and any religion, nuclear weapons should be totally forbidden.
  

Top answer

mathias25 The US launched nuclear weapons Those weapons were bombs so, dropped would be a better word. Bombs are dropped . If you don't need to be specific, you can write the word used , instead.

  • mathias25 The US launched nuclear weapons Those weapons were bombs so, dropped would be a better word.
  • Bombs are dropped .
  • If you don't need to be specific, you can write the word used , instead.
  • That would cover all methods of using weapons.
  • mathias25 in the mornings of August 6th and August 9th on the mornings of August 6th and 9th (in American English) or, on the mornings of the 6th and 9th of August (in British English).
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6 Answers
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mathias25The US launched nuclear weapons
Those weapons were bombs so, dropped would be a better word. Bombs are dropped.

If you don't need to be specific, you can write the word used, instead. That would cover all methods of using weapons.
mathias25
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mathias25without counting the posterior ones caused by the radiation that was in the place.
You should make this a separate sentence. It's awkward and would be better as: That does not include those killed later, by radiation released by the weapons.
mathias25Nuclear weapons are some of the most
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mathias25a long period of global peace and stability.
You are expected to rebut the above; you didn't. I suggest that you use one body paragraph to do so.

Also, don't go off topic by talking about religion ... etc.
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This fact is a danger
a is wrong
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AnonymousThis fact is a dangera is wrong
Sorry, but your correction is wrong. "A danger" is correct in the following sentence.
This weapon should be eliminated from earth because it is a danger to the planet and persons...

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