Would you please correct my letter of motivation? (MA)

Question

I would be very glad, if someone corrects my letter of motivation.

This letter is very important for me but English is not my mother tongue, so I need some help.

Thank you very much in advance!

DK

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to apply for the Master programme in Media Studies, which is offered by your university.

I hold a three years bachelor’s degree in Theatre and Media Studies from the University of Bayreuth (Germany). The date of my graduation was the 21^st of September 2005.

My subsidiary subjects were Literature and Sociology, in which I also placed much emphasis on my courses to be thematically related to Media Studies (for example ‚Media Theory of the 20th Century’ and ‚Television Culture’). The topic of my final paper was ‚Expressionistic Silent Movie – An analysis considering as example it’s well-known representative ‚Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari’. The Final paper was graded 1,7 and the cumulative grade of the BA degree was 1,62.

My aim was right from the start to attend my postgraduate studies in Great Britain, due to the fact that former visits engaged my sympathies for the country and the language. The transitional period since my graduation did I utilise on the one hand to improve my language skills by reading English literature and on the other hand to gain professional experience in the field of IT and New Media. The job I held down for the last months consisted among other things of photoediting with Photoshop and GIMP. Furthermore I was responsible for the creation of a MediaWiki, which collected all of the company’s relevant data.

Even though the job gave me an understanding of some practical aspects of professional everyday life and brought forward some continuative skills in the field of PC and New Media, I give top priority to a continuation of my academic studies. Actually I would like to expand my grasp of Media Studies in order that I can later have access – either especially academically or against any other background - to a broader base of knowledge. In addition I would like to use the multifaceted experiences, which studying in a foreign country will surely entail, for my personal development.

After an in-depth search on the internet, I arrived at the conclusion that the University of Bath with it’s special course offer will completely live up to my expectations of postgraduate studies. I would be very happy, if you give me the possibility to continue my studies at your university this October. If you should have an questions, please do not hesitate to contact me (dk@email).

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I am looking forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

DK

Nona the brit · Accepted Answer

Hi I've highlighted the problem areas you might want to re-write or correct. Also, the name of our country is the United Kingdom, not Great Britain, so you should change that part.

I am writing to you to apply for the Master programme in Media Studies, which is offered by your university.

I hold a three years bachelor’s degree in Theatre and Media Studies from the University of Bayreuth (Germany). The date of my graduation was the 21^st of September 2005.

My subsidiary subjects were Literature and Sociology, in which I also placed much emphasis on my courses to be thematically related to Media Studies (for example ,Media Theory of the 20th Century’ and ‚Television Culture’)You don't need all these commas and apostrophes here. The topic of my final paper was ‚Expressionistic Silent Movie – An analysis considering as example it’s well-known representative ‚Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari’. The Final paper was graded 1,7 and the cumulative grade of the BA degree was 1,62.

My aim was right from the start to attend my postgraduate studies in Great Britain, due to the fact that former visits engaged my sympathies for the country and the language. The transitional period since my graduation did I utilise on the one hand to improve my language skills by reading English literature and on the other hand to gain professional experience in the field of IT and New Media. The job I held down for the last months consisted among other things of photoediting with Photoshop and GIMP. Furthermore I was responsible for the creation of a MediaWiki, which collected all of the company’s relevant data.

Even though the job gave me an understanding of some practical aspects of professional everyday life and brought forward some continuative skills in the field of PC and New Media, I give top priority to a continuation of my academic studies. Actually I would like to expand my grasp of Media Studies in order that I can later have access – either especially academically or against any other background - to a broader base of knowledge. In addition I would like to use the multifaceted experiences, which studying in a foreign country will surely entail, for my personal development.

After an in-depth search on the internet, I arrived at the conclusion that the University of Bath with it’s special course offer will completely live up to my expectations of postgraduate studies. I would be very happy, if you give me the possibility to continue my studies at your university this October. If you should have an questions, please do not hesitate to contact me (email address).

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I am looking forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

DK

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Nona,

Thank you very much for your fast reply.

I tried to correct all of the highlighted areas, but I'm not sure if I did a good job.

Perhaps you could have a look at it again?

Thank you so much,

Daniela

________

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to apply for the M.A. programme in Media Studies, which is offered by your university.

I hold a three years bachelor’s degree in Theatre and Media Studies from the University of Bayreuth (Germany). The date of my graduation was the 21^st of September 2005.

My subsidiary subjects were Literature and Sociology, in which I also placed much emphasis on my courses to be thematically related to Media Studies (for example "Media Theory of the 20th Century" and "Television Culture"). The topic of my final paper was "Expressionistic Silent Movie – An analysis considering as example its well-known representative Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari". (Or should I write this: The expressionistic silent movie - An analysis as examplified in the well-known represantative Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari.) The Final paper was graded 1,7 and the cumulative grade of the BA degree was 1,62.

My aim has alway been to attend my postgraduate studies in the United Kingdom. Former visits have increased my interests for the country's culture and language. Since my graduation I have been working on improving my language skills by reading English literature and on gaining professional experience in the field of IT and New Media. At the moment I am working for a newly founded company, called ***. During the last few months I have done -among other things - some work on photoediting with Photoshop and GIMP and I was f urthermore responsible for the creation of a MediaWiki, which collected all of the company’s relevant data.

Even though the job gave me an understanding of some practical aspects of professional everyday life and brought forward some cumulative skills in the field of New Media, I give top priority to a continuation of my academic studies. Actually I would like to expand my grasp of Media Studies in order to later have access - whatever professional background there might be - to a broader base of knowledge. In addition I would like to use the multifaceted experiences, which studying in a foreign country will surely entail, for my personal development.

After an in-depth search on the internet, I have come to the conclusion that the University of Bath with its special course offer will completely live up to my expectations of postgraduate studies. I would be very happy if you would give me the possibility to continue my studies at your university this October. If you should have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me (dk@email).

Thank you very much for your time and for considering my request. I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

Daniela K

Nona the brit · Answer

Hi,

I think this is a great letter now. I would go with the pink alternative sentence to the expressionist silent movie part. Good luck with your application.

Would you please correct my letter of motivation? (MA)

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