Would you kindly help me to check my essay?

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Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?It could be more accurate to argue that inventions bring too much benefits for individuals therefore computers invented is the cutting-edge equipment helping people in different aspects. Personally, I am in agreement with this idea and this essay will address the reasons for my view in this essay.Computers are useful tools and indispensable things. From my perspective, online equipment provides more information in various fields such as technology, medical, history or entertainment, etc. In order words, people can easily keep in touch with anything they concern and get more information they need. However, some people think that during the last hundred years when people can study just by reading books, conferences or newspaper without any modern appliances, but still be successful. I firmly believe that state-of-the-art tools invented is to conveniently support people in looking and doing everything through social network. To illustrate, when learners need more materials in studying without affording money and with computers they can download easily at no cost.By convenience and intelligence of computers, it can offer user a wide range of opportunities in work or scholarships. In my opinion, instead of looking around newspapers to find a new job, individuals can apply for their suitable and favorite job by just a click of a mouse. In terms of students, it is more opportunities for learners to find their concerned scholarships such as short-term or long-term ones. Some people argue that contacting with computer too long will detrimentally affect people' health such as eye shortness and skin problems. Otherwise, I still hold a firm belief that users with effective computer-using routines they can lower a risk of these effects on people. In conclusion, I am in favor of computers are the most important invention in the world. For these reasons, it is clear that computers are indispensable things in our lives.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Cat18 Would you kindly help me to check my essay?

Your request is incorrect. Consider these three sentences.

1) Please help me to carry my bags ( You carry the bags, but I assist you. )
 2) Please carry my bags. (I carry the bags for you. )
 3) Please help me by carrying my bags. (If I carry your bags, it will be good for you.)

1) Please help me to check my essay. (You check your essay, but I assist. The web site does not allow this.)
2) Please check my essay. ( I check your essay and give you feedback. )
3) Please help me by checking my essay. (I check your essay and give you feedback.  That will help you.)

AlpheccaStars · Answer

It could be more accurate to argue that inventions bring too much (ungrammatical) benefits for individuals therefore computers invented is (ungrammatical) the cutting-edge equipment (unnatural) helping people in different aspects. (unnatural)

That is not a good sentence. It has only a tenuous connection with the topic. The highlighted words are incorrect grammar or very unnatural English Do not begin with "It is ..."

Personally, I am in agreement with this idea. ~~and this essay will address the reasons for my view in this essay.~~

You did not answer the essay question very well: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

You must answer with an adverb of extent. Do you know any of these adverbs?

Also, do not mention "my essay" in an academic essay. Write a thesis statement. The first part of your sentence is your thesis statement.

Do you agree that computers are more important than airplanes, television, nuclear energy, the transistor, super-fast bullet trains, modern highways, the assembly line of modern manufacturing, refrigerators, air conditioning, communications technology, cell phones, the internet, digital cameras, and electric power?

Your essay is mostly off-topic, because you talk about many different inventions. You must argue that the computer is the greatest invention of the last 100 years. That does not include communication technology, the internet and social networks and on-line applications. Those are different inventions. Social networking, online shopping, video-sharing and on-line gaming came some 50 years after computers were invented. You need to focus your essay on the computer. Maybe you think one of these other inventions is a greater invention than a computer.

Here is an example opening paragraph.

It is difficult to imagine all of the incredible inventions that have appeared over the last century. The ways we travel, communicate and live our daily lives are dramatically different than people who were alive in 1900. Radio and TV, nuclear energy, air conditioning and time-saving home appliances were unknown to my great-grandparents. I cannot agree completely with the idea that computers were the greatest invention because there were so many others that have affected us. However, I can concur somewhat because the computer is the basis of cell phones, the internet and many other inventions that were enabled by electronics and computer technology.

Computers are useful tools and indispensable things. ~~From my perspective,~~ online equipment (I don't know what this is. You are talking about computers, not the internet or communication technology. That is not the topic, which is only the invention of a computer.) provides more information in various fields such as technology, medical, history or entertainment, etc. (Do not use ellipses, "etc." or phrases such as "and so on" in formal essays.) In order words, people can easily keep in touch with anything they concern (ungrammatical) and get more information they need. However, some people think that during the last hundred years when people can study just by reading books, conferences or newspaper without any modern appliances, but still be successful. ~~I firmly believe~~ (You made the statement, I agree" in the first paragraph. Do not use "I" in the body paragraphs.) that state-of-the-art tools invented is to conveniently support people in looking and doing everything through social network. (That is off-topic.) To illustrate, when learners need more materials in studying without affording money (wrong expression) and with computers they can download easily at no cost. (Off-topic)
By convenience and intelligence of computers, it (Ungrammatical) can offer user a wide range of opportunities in work or scholarships. In my opinion, instead of looking around newspapers to find a new job, individuals can apply for their suitable and favorite job by just a click of a mouse. In terms of students, it is more opportunities for learners to find their concerned scholarships such as short-term or long-term ones. Some people argue that contacting with computer (ungrammatical) too long will detrimentally affect people' health such as eye shortness and skin problems. Otherwise, I still hold a firm belief that users with effective computer-using routines (Unnatural) they (ungrammatical) can lower a risk of these effects on people.
In conclusion, I am in favor of computers are the most important invention (ungrammatical) in the world. (The question was "in the last 100 years", not "in the world".) For these reasons, it is clear that computers are indispensable things in our lives.

Would you kindly help me to check my essay?

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