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Anonymous Posted 9 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Would you help me with my resume?

Hello!
I am writing my first resume. Could you read this sentences and check it?

1. Worked as part of the sales team which provided premium customer service
2. Prepared sales analysis and products calculations
3. Sold dedicated financial services such as insurance or debt financing
4. Offered products especially to small and medium companies (B2B relations)
5. Analyzed financial data and entered it into computerized reporting system
6. Searched data necessary for financial models
7 Prepared customers orders with the highest care of quality standards
8 Cooperated in customer-driven international team
9 Built from scratch and coordinated the team of 20 members
10. Organized training, nationwide match tours and obtained funds from sponsors
11. Maintained professional relationships with officials, media and rugby activists
12. Advised on the organization and development of the University
13. Participated in the creation of University’s legal rules and regulations
14. PMI’s ”Customer Orientation in direct and In-direct Contact” workshop
15. Presented article regarding to sustainability at the international conference

A. I achieved an average level of 100% in quality audits (team result - 87,5%)
B. I finalized the largest deal in the history of the online store (over 100.000 zl)
C. I attained highest monthly conversion in the history of the online store (10%)
D. I created the team which still exists (9 years) with many national successes
E. I organized the young people’s free time and showed them a passion for sport

I am a graduate of two renowned universities who has worked for more than 2 years as a sales engineer. I have also experience in multi-national team, good working knowledge of Excel and very good command of English. I am interested in leveraging my skills in an international company.
  

Top answer

Items 1-15 are not sentences. There are quite a few which are so cryptic, that the reader has to guess what you mean. The list seems disorganized, without any logical flow.

  • Items 1-15 are not sentences.
  • There are quite a few which are so cryptic, that the reader has to guess what you mean.
  • The list seems disorganized, without any logical flow.
  • For example, what does " products calculations" mean?
  • What is a customer-driven team?
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3 Answers
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Items 1-15 are not sentences.
There are quite a few which are so cryptic, that the reader has to guess what you mean.
The list seems disorganized, without any logical flow.

For example, what does " products calculations" mean?
What is a customer-driven team?
It seems like you established a university and helped others define its operating regulations. Which university?
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Do you mean that it is cryptic because of poor grammar or something else?

product calculation means that I did list of products contains prices tailored for specific customer.
Customer driven is a statement from job offer. It means http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/pay
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Here is my recommendation for your first "experince" block. You can follow the same pattern for the rest of the resume.

Sales representative (XZZ Co. March 2014-present)
- I sell custom financial services such as insurance or debt financing
- Our customers are small and medium companies, so I have to make and develop personal relationships for key decision-makers within the

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