Would you correct my essay?

Question

The problem is that the woman has a roommate, but she talks and giggles with her boyfriend in the same room even late at night. As a result the woman cannot concentrate on studying. The man suggests that she should talk with her about it. Another option is that she goes to library for studying. I think that she should talk with her about it. The reason is that she is a student of the university, and the university is the place where each student has the fair chance for study. Unless the roommate accepts her persuasion, the woman should ask university to force the couple to stop chatting.

Victor_amelkin · Accepted Answer

Hi Nik,
Here are my thoughts.

* It's difficult to read this (part of) essay. There are five characters: two women (roommates), a boyfriend, an advice-giving man ("The man suggests"), and a teller ("I think that..."). It's quite difficult to understand which of them is implied when you use pronouns "she" or "her" or a noun "woman". For instance, it's ambiguous in the following sentence "I think that she should talk with her about it." who is "she" and who is "her". I'd better add some names and remove the teller to make this story a little more readable.

* A comma is required after "As a result" because this phrase is used here as an introductory phrase.

* "to library" -> "to the library".

* "that she should talk with her about it." - this phrase occures twice in the three neighbouring sentences.

* "student of the university" -> "student at the university".

* "the university is the place where" -> "university is a place where".

* "the fair chance for study" -> "a fair chance to study".

* "the woman should ask university" -> "the woman should ask the university".

P.S. I'm not an English expert; I'm a learner.

--
Victor

Would you correct my essay?

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions