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Persian Learner Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Would you check my writing please?

Hi

Hi Jenny, my dear classmate
,
I feel great right now because I'm reading an interesting novel on the dormitory balcony.
I couldn't find a better place to read because lazy students laugh at me. I feel less homesick when I read this book.
It's 3:00 o'clock at midnight and I feel sleepy and may fall sleep anytime soon.
I should take a shower. I seldom feel tired but now I am very tired and thirsty. A glass of water will make me better.

Guess what? I went to the university library today to take back that chemistry book, but I didn't bring the book with myself.
It was on the sofa.

However, This dormitory is very boring and there are a lot of lazy people here. I need to study with intelligent people.
Jenny, you are very intelligent and I know you always get top marks. Let's rent an apartment together, and we can pay the rent equally.I know a good real estate agent near the university.I often see it whenever I go to university.
If you like my offer, come over here to talk about it more. Most of the students here commonly go to university at 8:00 a.m. so come here at 9 o'clock. I know that you never want to see them ever in your life and I know you are very punctual, so I am waiting for you at 9:00 sharp.

Looking forward to seeing you soon.

Sara.

I don't want to insert advanced words. I just want to make sure that it's correct grammatically. Thanks.
  

Top answer

I have underlined some problem areas. (I hope this is not a real letter; some of the attitudes and suggestions expressed are a little strange): Hi Jenny, my dear classmate, I feel great right now because I'm reading an interesting novel on the dormitory balcony. I couldn't find a better place to read because lazy students laugh at me .

  • I have underlined some problem areas.
  • (I hope this is not a real letter; some of the attitudes and suggestions expressed are a little strange): Hi Jenny, my dear classmate, I feel great right now because I'm reading an interesting novel on the dormitory balcony.
  • I couldn't find a better place to read because lazy students laugh at me .
  • I feel less homesick when I read this book.
  • It's 3:00 o'clock at midnight and I feel sleepy and may fall sleep anytime soon.
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3 Answers
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I have underlined some problem areas. (I hope this is not a real letter; some of the attitudes and suggestions expressed are a little strange):

Hi Jenny, my dear classmate,

I feel great right now because I'm reading an interesting novel on the dormitory balcony.

I couldn't find a better place to read because lazy students laugh at me. I feel less homesick
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I hope this is not a real letter
No. I've just thought up this letter to help my little sister better memorize new words and their usage in her book. I don't want her to read every single word and its meaning in our native language. I want to make sure I'm giving her correct English.

Hi Jenny, my dear classmate,

I feel great right
0
...
This dormitory is very boring and there are a lot of lazy people here. I need to study with intelligent people. Jenny, you are very intelligent and I know you always get top marks. Let's rent an apartment together, and we can share the rent. I know a good real estate agent near the university. I often see them/him/her whenever I go to university.

If you like m

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