Would someone please help me correct my Ielts writng task2? thank you

Topic:

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Children are the pillars of society in the future. How to teach them to adapt to society is a controversial discussion. Some people believe that schools should be responsible for teaching them, while I firmly agree that parents play an essencial role in helping them become members of society.

People advocate that the aim of schools is to prepare children to be members of a society because they educate children social skills and systemic knowledge. At school, children can learn how to get on with peers. For example, they are taught to share toys, food and so on. They learn how to be a part of a team through group lessons. In addition, different subjects are normally taught at school, which enables children to gain a wide range of systemic knowledge. In order to adapt to more and more complicated society in the future, systemic knowledge is necessary.

Conversely, others think that parents are children’s main moral models, whom they learn moral values and behaviour from in daily life; undoubtedly, parenting has a strong influence on children. Especially at children’s early age, they spend much time with parents, whom they rely on and trust. If parents do not tell them what is right or wrong to prevent them from incorrect behaviour. This is why parents have to take most of the responsibilities for educating their children. Besides, it is less likely to expect that schools can pay attention to every child because there are too many students at school.

In conclusion, I believe that parents should teach children to be good members of society, despite the fact that others may hold an opposing view. Meanwhile, I suggest that parents should keep in touch with schools to ensure children behave in a good way both at home and at school.