Would someone kindly help me with my motivation letter for a MSc in Finance

Could you please check my motivation below and give me some advice on how to improve it? Thanks a lot!!

Dear Sirs or Madams,

I am writing with an interest to pursue your Master program in Money and Finance starting October 2015. I am strongly convinced that the master degree from Goethe University will help leverage my career towards my ambition: a general partner at a Hedge Fund specializing in Long/ Short Equity trading strategy.
I am a final year student at Vietnamese-German University (VGU). I was determined to choose the university because of the joint program with Goethe University and my finance interest. Through my research, Goethe has one of the best finance programs in Europe and it also locates in Frankfurt, the financial center of continental Europe. It is therefore extremely beneficial for my career in the financial industry. I went on with the program and became highly impressed with how outstanding the program was structured and delivered, especially the teaching standard from the flying faculty of Goethe professors. The professors were not only experienced but they were also sociable and dedicated, which made the lectures enjoyable experiences for me. I had a distinct pleasure of studying under professor Binder, Hassler, etc. and especially professor Wahrenburg, who had inspired my finance enthusiasm and introduced me to the MMF program. Thanks to my pleasure for the program, and additionally my good analytical and quantitative skills as well as organized and discipline characteristics, I became one of the best students in VGU, got awarded with a year of study at Goethe and a DAAD scholarship. Upon coming to Frankfurt, I quickly became impressed with the comprehensive study programs, the dynamic environment and great career opportunities. I thus believe a master degree in Money and Finance would be a solid foundation for my career path.
The greatest feature I like about Goethe is the study program. Despite being recognized as a Goethe student, I also have a status as an exchange student. I am thus given a unique opportunity to participate in the master courses, and I have nothing short of impression. I thoroughly enjoy the intensive but well-structured and thought-provoking knowledge, as well as the practical application with real world problems, delivered in an international atmosphere. All of which have strongly motivated me to strive for the MMF program. I personally enjoyed the course Hedge Funds and Alternative Investments by professor Pelizzon the most. The course’s content was a combination of intensive knowledge of statistics, econometrics, macroeconomics and finance theory, aiming to better understand hedge fund, its structures, trading strategy as well as its systematic risk exposures in order to measure and compare its performance. I was also assigned a project to use real world data from an equity hedge index, employed Matlab to build model and explain the risk and returns characteristics of Long/ Short Equity hedge fund. The course benefited me substantially, as I learned how to code in Matlab – a powerful programming language -, learned how to apply finance theory like CAPM, Fama-French-Carhart 4-factor model to the real world data and how to use theory to explain the result; I also had a chance to practice my leadership and teamwork skill, as I was the leader of the team of 5 people. Most importantly, the course sparked my interest for hedge fund and helped me realize I need to invest more into education to pursue my dream. And I believe MMF is an ideal program, in which I can develop myself substantially, have a great competitive edge with a broad skillsets and knowledge of money, macroeconomics, and finance
Moreover, Goethe nurtures an amazing, dynamic environment for networking and finance activities. I have met many great students who have assisted me a lot in my study and have kindly given me advice for my career. Alex, an MMF student who is currently an intern for Merrill Lynch, shared with me his pleasure for the program and great finance career opportunity after graduation from the program. I am also pleased with many finance events coordinated by Dr. Trummer from GFA. Thanks to Morgan Stanley’s office visit, Citi’s investment bank networking dinner, and many more company presentations, I got a chance to network and gain more insights, experiences from the world’s biggest financial service firms.
As much as I can benefit from the MMF program, I am confident that I will bring a great quality to your program. Complementing my strong academic background – expected GPA of 1.7 – as well as my high motivation, I command an exceptional analytical and quantitative skills – which helped me score 170 on GRE quantitative section. I possess a solid knowledge of finance, which was consolidated through my internship at an equity research house in Frankfurt: Dr Kalliwoda Research GmbH. I also have experiences in leadership and teamwork, which were accumulated through my study and project, as well as when I was a vice president of an environmental club in Vietnam. Furthermore, I have a great control of computer skills, knowing Matlab and R in addition to Microsoft office.
All in all, I am strongly convinced that I am one of the most suitable student for your program. I am sure to exceed your expectations, enrich the program with my international background, and contribute with my ambitious and enthusiasm nature.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to joining in your program.