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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
Letter Writing
would be gratefull if u help me to improve my essay.Plssssssssssss
Which human rights issues in your country are of most interest/concern to you? What practical experience/knowledge do you have in these areas? (approx 300 words)
Essay
A number of problems exist in my country regarding human rights. While some of them are apparent , others may not be seen at first sight, because for understanding these problems, one have to be a part of Azeri culture. Because of this I will talk about unseen women rights in this essay.
First of all, although, we live in the XI century, still domestic violence, early marriages, illiteracy, uneducation of women, and social passivity exist in Azerbaijan. If we take into account that these problems are common in just ordinary families, one can imagine, what a hard situation exist in the detention centers, orphanages for the girls and women. This is even more dramatic when these girls and women leave the detention centers and orphanages because the government has not prepared any action plan for them. In these situations, most of them do not have any chance other than selling their bodies. Statistics show that most of the prostitutes are former girls from the orphanages and prisons. The situation is even harder in the eastern countries. But this is also true that no woman would like to engage in this activity. Only the problems of life push women in this direction and if they had any other chance they would be eager to choose that chance.
Secondly, even though constitution declares equal rights for women, in the reality all these rights remain on paper. The reason is that the problem roots from the people’s attitude and the constitution cannot change the thinking way of people. A common example of this is that for some reasons courts make compromises to the offenders who have killed women regarding “honor” issues. However, these compomises are not included in the Penal Code. Sometimes even crimes are not punished. One example was in the town I was born where brothers have killed their sister just because she was pregnant before marriage. But though, two years have passed over this, it has still not been punished.
Thirdly, it is obvious that in the eastern countries men are financially independent and more strong and in the country where corruption is so common, it is easier for men to win the trials unjustly. That is the reason why most of the women today are deprived from their children, have no means for surviving and they come face to face with unjustice.
Through the experience I gained when I worked in the women organizations and from my own research, I came to a conclusion that such events mostly are not highlighted in Mass Media. This problem is an issue that is not seen at first sight, that is why not adequate and progressive steps are taken to fight it. Considering that healthy society is built upon sound women (mothers), this issue should be of great concern to all of us.
Essay
A number of problems exist in my country regarding human rights. While some of them are apparent , others may not be seen at first sight, because for understanding these problems, one have to be a part of Azeri culture. Because of this I will talk about unseen women rights in this essay.
First of all, although, we live in the XI century, still domestic violence, early marriages, illiteracy, uneducation of women, and social passivity exist in Azerbaijan. If we take into account that these problems are common in just ordinary families, one can imagine, what a hard situation exist in the detention centers, orphanages for the girls and women. This is even more dramatic when these girls and women leave the detention centers and orphanages because the government has not prepared any action plan for them. In these situations, most of them do not have any chance other than selling their bodies. Statistics show that most of the prostitutes are former girls from the orphanages and prisons. The situation is even harder in the eastern countries. But this is also true that no woman would like to engage in this activity. Only the problems of life push women in this direction and if they had any other chance they would be eager to choose that chance.
Secondly, even though constitution declares equal rights for women, in the reality all these rights remain on paper. The reason is that the problem roots from the people’s attitude and the constitution cannot change the thinking way of people. A common example of this is that for some reasons courts make compromises to the offenders who have killed women regarding “honor” issues. However, these compomises are not included in the Penal Code. Sometimes even crimes are not punished. One example was in the town I was born where brothers have killed their sister just because she was pregnant before marriage. But though, two years have passed over this, it has still not been punished.
Thirdly, it is obvious that in the eastern countries men are financially independent and more strong and in the country where corruption is so common, it is easier for men to win the trials unjustly. That is the reason why most of the women today are deprived from their children, have no means for surviving and they come face to face with unjustice.
Through the experience I gained when I worked in the women organizations and from my own research, I came to a conclusion that such events mostly are not highlighted in Mass Media. This problem is an issue that is not seen at first sight, that is why not adequate and progressive steps are taken to fight it. Considering that healthy society is built upon sound women (mothers), this issue should be of great concern to all of us.
Top answer
I can see many problems with this essay 1. Initially before reading it, I looked at the format which was horrendous. A three hundred word essay should be split between 3 main distinct points and paragraphs, not two lines here and three lines there.
- I can see many problems with this essay 1.
- Initially before reading it, I looked at the format which was horrendous.
- A three hundred word essay should be split between 3 main distinct points and paragraphs, not two lines here and three lines there.
- You have the habit in the first few lines in using in excess of commas and I stopped and started a lot, which disrupted the flow of language and made it annoying to read.
- You have also made errors in relation to spelling.
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1 Answers
0
I can see many problems with this essay 1.
Initially before reading it, I looked at the format which was horrendous. A three hundred word essay should be split between 3 main distinct points and paragraphs, not two lines here and three lines there. You have the habit in the first few lines in using in excess of commas and I stopped and started a lot, which disrupted the flow of language
Initially before reading it, I looked at the format which was horrendous. A three hundred word essay should be split between 3 main distinct points and paragraphs, not two lines here and three lines there. You have the habit in the first few lines in using in excess of commas and I stopped and started a lot, which disrupted the flow of language
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