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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Wording option

Which wording is a better option?
1.Tol agreed to Egrin’s offer if his father, Bakal, would also give his permission, so the next day, the pair, along with Felryn, a healer of Mishas, began the journey to the boy’s home in the hill country of the Eastern Hundred.
2. Tol agreed to Egrin’s offer if his father, Bakal, would also give his permission, so the next day, the two of them, along with Felryn, a healer of Mishas, began the journey to the boy’s home in the hill country of the Eastern Hundred.
  

Top answer

It's not clear to me which of the three people mentioned form the pair or the two. Nor is it clear to me who Bakal is the father of.

  • It's not clear to me which of the three people mentioned form the pair or the two.
  • Nor is it clear to me who Bakal is the father of.
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3 Answers
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It's not clear to me which of the three people mentioned form the pair or the two.

Nor is it clear to me who Bakal is the father of.
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Thanks a lot for your help. Is this revision clearer and correct? Also, does the third sentence flow and work well with the others? FYI- Tol is the boy.
Amazed and elated, Tol agreed to Egrin’s offer as long as his father, Bakal, would also give his permission. Therefore, the next day, Tol, Egrin, and Felryn, a healer of Mishas, began the journey to the boy’s home in the hill country of the Ea
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It's only clear if you know the story.

#3 is OK.

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