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Sailsofoblivion Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Word Choice
In a piece of creative non-fiction writing, I was wondering if it would be better not to use the word "conclude" as it seems a little too formal.
With apologies to Jimmy Carter, I conclude with my dad’s love of peanut butter, something which also inspires revulsion within me.
OR
With apologies to Jimmy Carter, my dad’s love of peanut butter also inspires revulsion within me.
Does it read better without it?
The other two sections in the piece open like this, so I am over using the word "also":
For example, my younger sister's love of Monster Munch has, from an early age, revolted me.
Monster Munch, however, are not the only food that sickens me.
With apologies to Jimmy Carter, my dad’s love of peanut butter also inspires revulsion within me.
Thanks in advance!
Emma
With apologies to Jimmy Carter, I conclude with my dad’s love of peanut butter, something which also inspires revulsion within me.
OR
With apologies to Jimmy Carter, my dad’s love of peanut butter also inspires revulsion within me.
Does it read better without it?
The other two sections in the piece open like this, so I am over using the word "also":
For example, my younger sister's love of Monster Munch has, from an early age, revolted me.
Monster Munch, however, are not the only food that sickens me.
With apologies to Jimmy Carter, my dad’s love of peanut butter also inspires revulsion within me.
Thanks in advance!
Emma
Top answer
Hi Yes, it's probably best not to say 'I conclude' except in formal circumstances; and not to use 'also' twice. But I like the ideas ... - My younger sister's love of Monster Munch has, from an early age, revolted me.
- Hi Yes, it's probably best not to say 'I conclude' except in formal circumstances; and not to use 'also' twice.
- But I like the ideas ...
- - My younger sister's love of Monster Munch has, from an early age, revolted me.
- But that's not the only food that sickens me.
- With apologies to Jimmy Carter, my dad’s love of peanut butter also inspires revulsion in me Dave
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1 Answers
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Hi
Yes, it's probably best not to say 'I conclude' except in formal circumstances; and not to use 'also' twice. But I like the ideas ...
- My younger sister's love of Monster Munch has, from an early age, revolted me. But that's not the only food that sickens me. With apologies to Jimmy Carter, my dad’s love of peanut butter also inspires revulsion in me
Dave
Yes, it's probably best not to say 'I conclude' except in formal circumstances; and not to use 'also' twice. But I like the ideas ...
- My younger sister's love of Monster Munch has, from an early age, revolted me. But that's not the only food that sickens me. With apologies to Jimmy Carter, my dad’s love of peanut butter also inspires revulsion in me
Dave
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