With who? With whom? Or who (...) with?

Question

Hi!I've got a problem with "who(m)" in one sentence. I've already checked- here is one topic about it, but it's not what I'm really looking for.So, let's say, eg. I slept with the guy but I don't know who he was  And now I wanna know something about him and I tell my friend "I'm looking for the guy"- and here is a problem "I'm looking for the guy who I slept with" ? or something different?Please, help me! Lea

BarbaraPA · Accepted Answer

Well, Lea, you can just drop the pronoun entirely: I'm looking for the guy I slept with.

OR: I'm looking for that guy I did at the party last night.

OR: I'm looking for that guy with whom I hooked up. - This one will sound a little odd, perhaps. We tend not to use the "whom" unless the preposition comes right before it. I'm not sure that grammar is the most important thing to think about when trying to track down our hook-ups, though.

Philip · Answer

Grammar GeekWell, Lea, you can just drop the pronoun entirely: I'm looking for the guy I slept with.

OR: I'm looking for that guy I did at the party last night.

OR: I'm looking for that guy with whom I hooked up. - This one will sound a little odd, perhaps. We tend not to use the "whom" unless the preposition comes right before it. I'm not sure that grammar is the most important thing to think about when trying to track down our hook-ups, though.

I saw that one coming, GG!

Anonymous · Answer

OK.
So, I can't say "I'm looking for the guy who I talked with"?
You wrote 3 options, but this one I had given, isn't correct?

I read about "whom" but it isn't very common, is it?

We ask "Who did you talk with?" and answer "I don't know who I talked with".

Okay, I'm confussed and a little bit dizzy

Thanks.

PS. Haha, grammar is very important, because as I said, it was an exmaple. Really

I'm not a girl who doesn't remember with whom she slept (look, and I needed this knowladge to write it).

But now I understand why you gave different verbs. Sad.

BarbaraPA · Answer

Hi again,

You can use the original one. People do use "who" in that situation all the time. In the most proper sense, it should be "whom" but few people use the "whom" without the "with" coming RIGHT before it, and will find it to sound overly formal if you DO use the "whom."

But by just dropping the who/whom altogether, you avoid both what is technically a grammatical mistake and what sounds unnaturally formal.

If you felt compelled to use either who or whom, I'd use "who," despite being technically incorrect, because it's what's said 99% of the time in the U.S. in that type of construction.

Verade · Answer

Just stick with GG! "I'm looking for the guy I slept with."

Don't get dizzy! Maybe you would feel better if you went to another subject? (I'm just kidding, anonymous!)

Anonymous · Answer

I got dizzy, because of grammar not guy who I hadn't slept

Lea

PS.Thanks for help

BarbaraPA · Answer

If you ever fine one who's so amazing he makes you forget your OWN name... oh, well, never mind. This isn't the right place to talk about it. <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/4.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/4.gif' alt='Emotion: stick out tongue'/>

CalifJim · Answer

so amazing he makes you forget your OWN name

Gosh. I thought this was English Forums, but apparently I've dropped in on Fantasyland.

CJ

Anonymous · Answer

I would say :

I don't remember the guy i slept with or
i don't remember the guy whom i slept with

Elly.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it was Churchill who said  "'never finish a sentence with a proposition" - and he did his share of sleeping around so would definitely have say " ... the gal with whom I slept"!!!

With who? With whom? Or who (...) with?

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