Will someone critique my essays and help me to develop my writing skills?

I have been out of school for almost nine years,the exception being the one semester of college algebra that I had 4 years ago.This has been in spite of my efforts to get back in.So now I have a shot to enroll in the fall and in order for everything to fall in place in the most ideal way I need to score at least a 24 on my ACT.My last ACT score was 21 in December of last year.So I am studying,reading from some well-renouned writers (Im starting with H.P. Lovecraft), and writing at least one essay a week.so any constructive critiquing of my essays would be appreciated.

some of my experience have been contrary to my essay however I just want to write something compelling. I wrote this one from the prompt:

Educators debate extending high school to five years because of increasing demands on students from employers and colleges to participate in extracurricular activities and community service in addition to having high grades. Some educators support extending high school to five years because they think students need more time to achieve all that is expected of them. Other educators do not support extending high school to five years because they think students would lose interest in school and attendance would drop in the fifth year. In your opinion, should high school be extended to five years?

In your essay, take a position on this question. You may write about either one of the two points of view given, or you may present a different point of view on this question. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

The pressure of todays competitive job market seem to have stemmed a debate over whether there is a need to pass a law requiring students take an additional year of highschool before graduating.It seems some feel that this law is a necisary one in order for young adults making the transition from students to becoming independent job seekers in a job market with the ever increasing demand that employers place on new applicants.There are many reasons why this law should never see the light of day.Firstly, students just starting highschool might feel pressured by the long road ahead and might dropout early.Secoundly while some jobs are continually raising their standards,this not true of all jobs and many people are content working those jobs,thus making this extra year unessential to their career path.Thirdly,there are many schooling options available that do not require any out of pocket expenses;some even pay you to continue your education.Clearly, passing this law would be both unnesicary and a mistake.

There are already many reasons why some students leave highscool without a degree in their hand.Some students leave because they have to take care of younger siblings,or other relatives.(Marie Currie).Other students leave to pursue a career they have an established skill in.I made the descision to drop out because I felt a great pressure to be an over achiever.To this day,ten years later that descision affects me.Adding another year of required highschool would only add to the the immense pressures highschool students face,and thus increase the already staggering number of dropouts annually.

Some argue that the extra year might be essential for future new applicants to be competitive,but lets face it not everyone gets to be a CEO, regardless of their level of education.I have a friend who has three certifications and earns little over minimum wage.Alternatively, many people find independent sucsess starting their own business venture with or without a highschool degree.I remember working as a helper for a tree trimmer that had just started his own business.On average he made over a thousand dollars a week after paying his help.Not bad condsidering he was a Highschool dropout!Another person I know,my current store manager,recently got the position with no more schooling than the current high school curriculum.So,it is easy to see, that, for those that are motivated and look hard enough for the right job, they can do well financially, without this extra proposed school-year.

From pell, to student loans, to employment programs that pay for you to learn about a special field of interest, there are many resources available to those students who are interested in continuing their education.A regularly saught after field of employment in high demand, that will pay for your schooling, is nursing.Another is workstudy programs at universities. One of my good friends actually went back to college a secound time pursuing his masters.He is attending through a work study program.For those that do need to continue their education for the purpose of gaining employment there are many options,ones that dont include keeping a degree out of reach for everyone else, one more year.

While it is important to establish guidlines for curriculum; forcing on everyone the choice of staying in highschool another year, or not getting a degree at all is unjustifiable.There are already enough burdens placed on the youth of our society.It is also niave to think that placing everyone into the cookie cutter mold and having them go through one more year of highschool is enough to automatically land them that great job.I avidly encourage everyone to continue their education,and there are ways to go about doing just that.This law would impede some people personal growth and do very little for everyone else.

Thank you in advance for your time energy and advice,

Joe