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Benita Posted 21 years ago

Will I survive?

0 Walking through life 02br
00With its weird twists & turns 02br
00Wading through murky emotions 02br
00This crazy heart churns 02br
00Just one thought 02br
00Will I survive? 02br
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00My weary soul keeps seeking 02br
00Love eternally 02br
00Warmth & affection 02br
00From those dear to me 02br
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00Sorrow & pain must I let go 02br
00Without a whimper a cry a tear 02br
00A little warm sunshine 02br
00Must I spread over fear 02br
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00Hope is an assurance 02br
00All fears will hide 02br
00I can see the silver lining 02br
00I will survive. 02br
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00Hello everyone, I have been writing poems since I was a kid - hope to publish them someday! Most of my poems are love poems & are very special since they are dedicated to the one I love. Please do comment/suggest - it will help me improve. 02br
02br
00regards 02br
00benita 0-
  

Top answer

0 I wonder if it needs a refrain, Benita. It's quite like the words of a song. 02br 02br 00MrP 0-

— MrPedantic

  • 0 I wonder if it needs a refrain, Benita.
  • It's quite like the words of a song.
  • 02br 02br 00MrP 0-
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9 Answers
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0 I wonder if it needs a refrain, Benita. It's quite like the words of a song. 02br
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00MrP 0-
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0 Hello MrP! Thanks for your comments - any suggestions on how poetry should be written to sound more poetry and less song? Thanks 0-
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0 Hello Benita 02br
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00Well, much depends on the choice of words and the rhythm. Are there any songs or poems you particularly like? 02br
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00MrP 0-
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0 Hello MrP, 02br
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00Music has been a very important part of me & I think it's the influence of all the songs that I've been listening to and singing, that are creeping into the poems that I write. Must try and improve. 02br
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00Benita 0-
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0 Well, even the lyrics of very effective songs can look like deflated balloons on paper. 02br
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00To go back to your original question, one trick which songwriters use, and which doesn't transfer well to poetry, is the use of 'empty' words to extend the line to its necessary length, e.g. 'just', 'really', 'baby'. 02br
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00Also, you find some very
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0 Wow! You are so right about the strange phrasing in songs! Eeks! Come to think of it, they look soo weird on paper! Thanks for all the tips. 02br
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00To all Diana Ross Fans: No offences meant! We are just trying to improve our skills here. 05002br
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00Benita 010id1
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0 I think this piece of work can be the lyric for a song.....do you know music ? Try to get this poem a piece of music.....make it be a song....don't you think that is great ? 02br
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00I do wirte poems too, of couse I am only at the kids level..... 02br
00I started to write english poems when I was 12....I am not a native English speaker....so I find it a littl
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0 I think its interesting when poems come out sounding like songs 02br
00mayb u have an internal sense of melody or something 02br
00jus my thoughts05002br
00i agree that u should try an find some music for it 010id1
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0Thank you very much for those encouraging words, Winging & vbblueeyes! Yes its true that I've been into a lot of music (not professionally though) & it has been reflecting in my poems. Maybe I should start of humming away for an appropriate tune for 'Will I survive?' 050010id1
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