Why is my sentence is grammatically wrong?

Question

Original: Upon the docking of the Afghan satellite to the international space station the female commander gives her officers an order.

Mine: Afghan satellite dock to the International space station and then lady commander orders her officers a command.

My British friend told me that my sentence is wrong. But he is hesitating to tell the reason.

Terryxpress · Accepted Answer

He is not hesitating - there its so much wrong he ...and I...don't know where to begin.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

kingston123Afghan satellite dock to the International space station and then lady commander orders her officers a command.

The Afghan satellite docks to the International space station (The article is required. The verb must match the subject in number)

There are more problems with this. You cannot use the active voice, because the satellite does not do this all by itself. The commander was controlling the docking process.

Here are two versions:

Passive voice: The Afghan satellite is docked to the International space station

Active voice: The female commander docks the Afghan satellite to the International space station

Next, you must get the meaning of "Upon" which indicates that this action was completed before the action in the next clause.

2.

then the lady commander orders her officers a command.

"Order a command" is not good English. We "give a command" or "give / issue an order".
"lady commander" is not good English. Is the person the commander of the ladies? "Female" is a good adjective that removes the ambiguity. But it is not necessary at all. The commander's gender is determined by using the feminine pronouns, "she" and "her"

So the best possible re-writes are:

After the commander docks the Afghan satellite to the International space station, she gives her officers an order.
After she docks the Afghan satellite to the International space station, the commander gives her officers an order.
After docking the Afghan satellite to the International space station, the commander gives her officers an order.
After the Afghan satellite is docked to the International space station, the commander gives her officers an order.
The commander docks the Afghan satellite to the International space station, and then she gives her officers an order.

Why is my sentence is grammatically wrong?

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions