0
Matress Posted 20 years ago
Jokes, Puzzles & Riddles
Why Did The Chicken Crossed the Road?
1 b 01 font 00 Why Did The Chicken Crossed the Road? 02 font 02 b 02 br
01 center 02 center 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Plato 01 b 00 For the greater good. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It was a historical inevitability. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is dead. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press) 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Forty-two. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Because if you gaze too long across the road, the road gazes also across you. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 National Security was at stake. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 The possibility of crossing was encoded into the objects chicken and road, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 To actualize its potential. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 The Fish. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Because it could not stop for death. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 For fun. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 The eternal hen-principle made it do it. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 To die. In the rain. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, butit was moving very fast. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Out of custom and habit. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Cause it fucking wanted to. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 What road? 01 blockquote
01 b 00 I forget. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries, men have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their technonogy and trucks have decided how and where chickens will be distributed, their science has become the basis for what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for this joke, their art and film have given us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh has made the chicken the most consumed animal in the US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no other recourse. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It was coming home to roost. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Because it was going to be privatized 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It was my gift to a neighbor who promised to vote for me. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 To maximize the libido. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Thesis: to be on this side. Antithesis: to be on the other side. Synthesis: cross the road. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It's the only action a chicken can do to become aware of itself. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It was crossing the threshold. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 As a middleuropean chicken it fulfills its challenge: connect east and west. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Glasnost: Everyone can see, the chicken does not follow the mainstream (as usual traffic does) but crosses(!) the road. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Unfortunately he is too drunken, so he dreaming of roasted chicken. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 He's was an idiot! My sources inform me that he's already a chickenburger in McDonald's, Miami. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 If y'all couldn't keep him, honey, don't blame me. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 Don't worry, I'll get 'im back - quick, dead or alive! 01 blockquote
01 b 00 The question is irrelevant. It crossed the road to the other side and is no longer visible, therefore doesn't exist. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 It was faced with an either/or decision: to stay on this side and despair, eventually commit suicide, or cross over to where there is at least hope, as any thinking chicken would do. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 We cannot know whether the chicken "an sich" crossed the road or not. It only 01 b 00 appears 02 b 00 to be so. 01 blockquote
01 b 00 To jump into the frying pan and become a Big Chicken Mac. 01 blockquote
02 br
01 b 00 Matress (that's me) 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Because it saw a beautiful female chicken across the road, and it thought, "I know it can be very dangerous( to cross the road) , but I have to meet that beauty". 02 b 02 br
02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 0-
01 center
02 br
01 b 00 Plato 01 b 00 For the greater good. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Karl Marx 02 br
01 b 00 It was a historical inevitability. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Machiavelli 02 br
01 b 00 So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Hippocrates 02 br
01 b 00 Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Jacques Derrida 02 br
01 b 00 Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is dead. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Noam Chomsky 02 br
01 b 00 The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press) 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Thomas de Torquemada 02 br
01 b 00 Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Timothy Leary 02 br
01 b 00 Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Douglas Adams 02 br
01 b 00 Forty-two. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Nietzsche 02 br
01 b 00 Because if you gaze too long across the road, the road gazes also across you. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Oliver North 02 br
01 b 00 National Security was at stake. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 B.F. Skinner 02 br
01 b 00 Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Carl Jung 02 br
01 b 00 The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Jean-Paul Sartre 02 br
01 b 00 In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Ludwig Wittgenstein 02 br
01 b 00 The possibility of crossing was encoded into the objects chicken and road, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Albert Einstein 02 br
01 b 00 Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Aristotle 02 br
01 b 00 To actualize its potential. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Buddha 02 br
01 b 00 If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Howard Cosell 02 br
01 b 00 It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Salvador Dali 02 br
01 b 00 The Fish. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Darwin 02 br
01 b 00 It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Emily Dickinson 02 br
01 b 00 Because it could not stop for death. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Epicurus 02 br
01 b 00 For fun. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Ralph Waldo Emerson 02 br
01 b 00 It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Goethe 02 br
01 b 00 The eternal hen-principle made it do it. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Ernest Hemingway 02 br
01 b 00 To die. In the rain. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Werner Heisenberg 02 br
01 b 00 We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, butit was moving very fast. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 David Hume 02 br
01 b 00 Out of custom and habit. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Saddam Hussein 02 br
01 b 00 This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Jack Nicholson 02 br
01 b 00 Cause it fucking wanted to. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Pyrrho the Skeptic 02 br
01 b 00 What road? 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Ronald Reagan 02 br
01 b 00 I forget. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Henry David Thoreau 02 br
01 b 00 To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Mark Twain 02 br
01 b 00 The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Katherine McKinnon 02 br
01 b 00 Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries, men have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their technonogy and trucks have decided how and where chickens will be distributed, their science has become the basis for what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for this joke, their art and film have given us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh has made the chicken the most consumed animal in the US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no other recourse. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Stephen Jay Gould 02 br
01 b 00 It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Joseph Stalin 02 br
01 b 00 I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Malcom X 02 br
01 b 00 It was coming home to roost. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Fernando Henrique Cardoso (by VWS) 02 br
01 b 00 Because it was going to be privatized 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Paulo Maluf (by VWS) 02 br
01 b 00 It was my gift to a neighbor who promised to vote for me. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Sigmund Freund 02 br
01 b 00 To maximize the libido. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Georg Friedrich Hegel 02 br
01 b 00 Thesis: to be on this side. Antithesis: to be on the other side. Synthesis: cross the road. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Gottlieb Fichte 02 br
01 b 00 It's the only action a chicken can do to become aware of itself. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Rudolf Steiner 02 br
01 b 00 It was crossing the threshold. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Richard von Weizsäcker 02 br
01 b 00 As a middleuropean chicken it fulfills its challenge: connect east and west. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Michail Gorbatchov 02 br
01 b 00 Glasnost: Everyone can see, the chicken does not follow the mainstream (as usual traffic does) but crosses(!) the road. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Boris Yeltsin 02 br
01 b 00 Unfortunately he is too drunken, so he dreaming of roasted chicken. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Fidel Castro 02 br
01 b 00 He's was an idiot! My sources inform me that he's already a chickenburger in McDonald's, Miami. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Scarlett O'Hara 02 br
01 b 00 If y'all couldn't keep him, honey, don't blame me. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Tommy Lee Jones 02 br
01 b 00 Don't worry, I'll get 'im back - quick, dead or alive! 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Bishop Berkley 02 br
01 b 00 The question is irrelevant. It crossed the road to the other side and is no longer visible, therefore doesn't exist. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Sorel Kierkegaard 02 br
01 b 00 It was faced with an either/or decision: to stay on this side and despair, eventually commit suicide, or cross over to where there is at least hope, as any thinking chicken would do. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Emmanuel Kant 02 br
01 b 00 We cannot know whether the chicken "an sich" crossed the road or not. It only 01 b 00 appears 02 b 00 to be so. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote10 Donald McDonald 02 br
01 b 00 To jump into the frying pan and become a Big Chicken Mac. 01 blockquote
02 blockquote11 b 01 font 01 i 00 Author Unknown 02 i 02 font 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Matress (that's me) 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Because it saw a beautiful female chicken across the road, and it thought, "I know it can be very dangerous( to cross the road) , but I have to meet that beauty". 02 b 02 br
02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 02 b 0-
Top answer
0 Ever-practical Joy says - 02 br 02 br 00 There was grain strewn across the road! 05 0 02 br 02 br 00 [f] 010id 4
- 0 Ever-practical Joy says - 02 br 02 br 00 There was grain strewn across the road!
- 05 0 02 br 02 br 00 [f] 010id 4
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
12 Answers
0
0 Ever-practical Joy says - 02 br
02 br
00 There was grain strewn across the road! 05 0 02 br
02 br
00 [f] 010id 4
02 br
00 There was grain strewn across the road! 05 0 02 br
02 br
00 [f] 010id 4
00
0
0 if that chicken resides in the philippines, then it probably did it because that's what all the other idiots do here even when they shouldn't. 02 br
02 br
00 disclaimer: i know filipinos are sensitive about being made fun of. but this i say to those who are offended by my reason for the chicken to cross the road: if you've never been out of the philippines, then you cannot con
02 br
00 disclaimer: i know filipinos are sensitive about being made fun of. but this i say to those who are offended by my reason for the chicken to cross the road: if you've never been out of the philippines, then you cannot con
00
1 b 00 Ariel Sharon 02 b 02 br
02 br
00 Was the chicken Palestanian? 02 br
02 br
00 just fun.... 0-
02 br
00 Was the chicken Palestanian? 02 br
02 br
00 just fun.... 0-
00
0 Maybe the road was the border betwen Mexico and The USA, then the chicken that wasn't "stupid" thought, "I am going to cross the road cuz I wanna try the Amercian Dream" 0-
00
1 font 00 to escape from bird flu 02 font 02 br
02 br
05 0 02 br
02 br
01 font 02 font 010id 1
02 br
05 0 02 br
02 br
01 font 02 font 010id 1
00
0 THE BIBLE 02 br
02 br
00 And *** came down from the heavens, 02 br
02 br
00 and He said unto the chicken, 02 br
02 br
00 "Thou shalt cross the road." 02 br
02 br
00 And the chicken crossed the road, 02 br
02 br
00 and there was much rejoicing. 02 br
02 br
0-
02 br
00 And *** came down from the heavens, 02 br
02 br
00 and He said unto the chicken, 02 br
02 br
00 "Thou shalt cross the road." 02 br
02 br
00 And the chicken crossed the road, 02 br
02 br
00 and there was much rejoicing. 02 br
02 br
0-
00
0 01 blockquote
01 cite 10 Janissary 12 cite 10 THE BIBLE 12 br
12 br
10 And *** came down from the heavens, 12 br
12 br
10 and He said unto the chicken, 12 br
12 br
10 "Thou shalt cross the road." 12 br
12 br
10 And the chicken crossed the road, 12 br
12 br
10 and there was much r
00
0 In fact, there was a naked female chicken across from the road and it (the female chicken) gave him a blinking then him felt in love and crossed the road - doesn't matter what could happen, because the love is blind, you know. 0-
00
0 Haha! I liked that one Matress. I always enjoy your posts. 02 br
02 br
00 Well the chicken was a history teacher and was showing a re-enactment to his studint of General George Washington crossing the Delaware. He ended up beating the **** out of the chicken representing the British who was at the other side.=P 0-
02 br
00 Well the chicken was a history teacher and was showing a re-enactment to his studint of General George Washington crossing the Delaware. He ended up beating the **** out of the chicken representing the British who was at the other side.=P 0-
0
Related Questions