Where are my gramatical errors?

Question

A brief introduction:My name is Ahsan Javed born on 02-10-87. I did my 10+02 in 2008 from Nadwa College located in Luck now, and then came to New Delhi on first January 2009 to perceive graduation in Arabic language from J.M.I, New Delhi as a private student. Then I got admission here in B.A. second year in mid of 2009. Since then, I have been doing graduation in Arabic language. This is my final semester. My hobbies  are reading, writing essays and short stories some times, making online friendship through various social net workings, like face book and English forums.com etc. , and playing cricket. My field of expert is Arabic language and literature. As for as English language is concerned, it was as core subject since I had been started my schooling but just as salt in meal. Bu since I got admission here in J.N.U, I became very conscious and enthusiastic regarding this global language and started to work on that, especially when II got a golden opportunity to do personality development training program from IICC (India Islamic Cultural Centre) situated at Lodi road beside the Lodi garden last year during summer vacation. I did the course with American accent. It was amazing and I felt a drastic change in terms of English language. Finally I would like to conclude my words saying that it was beginning of my new journey which is still under process and I am working hard on that in order to improve myself and groom my personality. I hope I will do my best in this course for achieving my dream and fulfilling my long lasting wishes. Please correct and tell me howm should I compose these sentences?

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hi, Here are some suggestions for your essay.

A brief introduction:

My name is Ahsan Javed. I was born on 02-10-87. I did my 10+02 in 2008 from Nadwa College located in Luck now (where was Nadwa College located in 2008? If you say it is located in Luck now, it means that it was somewhere else when you graduated), and then came to New Delhi on first of January 2009 to pursue a degree ~~perceive graduation~~ in Arabic ~~language~~ from J.M.I, New Delhi as a private student. ~~Then~~ I ~~got admission~~ was admitted ~~here in~~ as a B.A. second year student in mid- of 2009. Since then, I have been doing courses ~~graduation~~ (graduate is the point when you receive the degree and finish school) in Arabic ~~language~~. This is my final semester. My hobbies are reading, (occasionally) writing essays and short stories ~~some times~~, making on-line friendships through various social networks ~~net workings~~, like Facebook and EnglishForums.com ~~etc.~~ , and playing cricket. My field of expertise is Arabic language and literature. As far as the English language is concerned, it has been ~~was~~ a core subject since I ~~had been~~ started my schooling, but a minor subject just as salt in meal. But since I ~~got admission~~ was admitted to ~~here in~~ J.N.U, I have become ~~became~~ very conscious and enthusiastic regarding this global language (When I was admitted, I became interested; Since I was admitted, I have become) and started to work on that, especially when I got a golden opportunity to do a ~~personality~~ personal development training program from IICC (India Islamic Cultural Centre) situated at Lodi road beside the Lodi garden last year during summer vacation. I did the course which was taught with an American accent. It was amazing and I felt a drastic change in terms of my understanding of English ~~language~~. Finally I would like to conclude my words saying that it was beginning of my new journey which is still underway ~~process~~ (either "in progress" or underway) and I am working hard on that in order to improve myself and groom my personality (develop my skills? Personaiity is our nature that is born in us and does not change. It is neither good nor bad. ). I hope I will do my best in this course for achieving my dream and fulfilling my long-lasting wishes.
Please correct and tell me how should I compose these sentences.?

Starkhan · Answer

Let me offer a warm thank to you for this wonderful correction. I am **** sure that I will improve and groom my skills as soon as possible by this way.
Have a nice day.
I am going to post an other letter which I had composed for publishing in News Paper.

Sir!
This is letter regarding Mubarak's going down after a long demonstration.

An eighteen day long revolutionary upsurge got a relax following the quite of an 82 years old dictator , an authoritarian ruler called Hosni Mubarak. A few hours turned Tahrir Square from the pool for the rebels to the Square to celebrate the victory, and turned the logos of the toppling of the regime, and the celebration a great success, to start rebuilding.

All the credits go to Egyptian youth, social networking and media. The year of 2010 and beginning of 2011 was very special for young generation. They brought a drastic change in terms of revealing some crucial facts through the authentic documents. A young person emerges from Australia and brings such factual facts through the media that shakes the pillar of all dictators , rulers and policy makers. He discloses their evil and shows their hypocrisy. No need to mention his name , but whatever is happening nowadays or will happen soon in coming days, he deserves to appreciate by the world community.

It is result of their of unprecedented demonstrations, it is fulfilling of their dreams, it is something that needs worldwide help. They have achieved one stage, they have to go more and face other problems. Their jobs have not been done. They need a ruler who leads the country toward the true democracy not toward the so called democracy. Then they will be profound symbol for entire Arab world as a sign of revolution has appeared in Algeria and Yemen. This storm will not stop but after a historical transaction in entire Arab world respectively. Let us join to be part of history!

Where are my gramatical errors?

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