When you mean to say someone who has more than one lover

Question

This is a hot topic now in Taiwan, a non-English country.

Everyone wants to know how to say it in English when your boy/girl friend has a secret lover(s).
One of English learning book authors says it should be "has the third person."
Another says it's so un-English, and it should be "two-timer".

Another DJ says it's better to say "cheater".
Can any native speaker give me advice about this? What is the best expression to indictate someone who loves to develop affairs when he/she already has a steady relationship.
Thanks a lot.
joseph

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]This is a hot topic now in Taiwan, a non-English country. Everyone wants to know how to say it in English when your boy/girl friend has a secret lover(s). One of English learning book authors says it should be "has the third person."[/nq]
I've never heard this.
[nq:1]Another says it's so un-English, and it should be "two-timer".[/nq]
This is one that I've heard.
[nq:1]Another DJ says it's better to say "cheater".[/nq]
I've never heard this - the noun from the verb "cheat" is also "cheat", which could be used to describe this sort of person.
[nq:1]Can any native speaker give me advice about this? What is the best expression to indictate someone who loves to develop affairs when he/she already has a steady relationship.[/nq]
Another phrase to describe this sort of relationship is "to have a bit on the side".
Regards, Einde O'Callaghan
(native speaker from Ireland, long-time resident of Britain)

Usenet · Answer

keke wrote on 21 Apr 2005:
[nq:1]This is a hot topic now in Taiwan, a non-English country. Everyone wants to know how to say it in English when your boy/girl friend has a secret lover(s). One of English learning book authors says it should be "has the third person."[/nq]
Definitely out. Not at all idiomatic.
[nq:1]Another says it's so un-English, and it should be "two-timer". Another DJ says it's better to say "cheater". Can any ... What is the best expression to indictate someone who loves to develop affairs when he/she already has a steady relationship.[/nq]
For men, "rwo-timer" is very, very good here. "playboy", "rake", "lecher", "deceiver", "cheater", "rounder", "bounder", "heel", ***- heel", "skirt chaser", "womanizer", "rat", "louse", "wolf", "dog", "scumbag", and almost any other bad name a woman can think of.

For women, "two-timer", "tramp", "***", "***", and almost any other bad name a man or woman can think of.

Franke: EFL teacher & medical editor
For email, replace numbers with English alphabet.

Usenet · Answer

Thanks, O'Callaghan and Franke.
Any term that is more media-friendly? We call this "legs-splitting" in Chinese, literally translating, meaning he/she spreads their legs between two relationships.
As I last checked, the term "two-timer" has been around for some time. Is there any usage that is more up-to-date?
Thanks:) Guys.

Usenet · Answer

keke wrote on 21 Apr 2005:
[nq:1]Thanks, O'Callaghan and Franke. Any term that is more media-friendly? We call this "legs-splitting" in Chinese, literally translating, meaning he/she spreads their legs between two relationships.[/nq]
This is almost obscene in English, especially if you replace "between" with "for" or "in" and restrict it to "she". We say that people have their fingers in more than one pie when they are involved in lots of things, but to use it for having an affair is also bordering on the obscene.
[nq:1]As I last checked, the term "two-timer" has been around for some time. Is there any usage that is more up-to-date?[/nq]
No, I know of no universally understandable term that is more up-to- date. After all, this is an ancient problem. No such term is going to be media-friendly. Calling someone a two-timer is not yet a clich? in English. It carries a lot of sting. And because this kind of behavior does not come into and go out of fashion as shoes and slang terms do, there is no virtue in attempting to sound particularly hip about something that is despicable to all who see it as immoral (I don't much care unless it involves me or my wife).
You might want to call someone a "double-dipper", although that usually refers to people who get two salaries, one from a government pension fund after retirement and one from a current post-retirement full-time job with the same government. It's usually not allowed.

Franke: EFL teacher & medical editor
For email, replace numbers with English alphabet.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]keke wrote on 21 Apr 2005:[/nq]
For some reason the word 'womanizer' always makes me laugh. I always think there should be a matching adjective; he/she's been womanized...
DC

Usenet · Answer

I've never heard of "have the third person" either. What kind of sicko would come up with that in an ELT book? It probably means "have somebody" as in the dated use of "First I had Sean, and then I had Petey, and then I met my husband and stopped having fun altogether."

"Two-timer" is a pretty common expression whose meaning is not immediately apparent and would cause confusion among non-native speakers. To the best of my knowledge, the only reason it might be considered dated would be that it's one of the kinder, gentler terms used to describe what we''re talking about.
Cheater, cheater, pumpkin-eater...nope, doesn't sound right either.
A few words and expressions, all of which can be used in a formal context and polite society, are:
Cuckold: an old, usually literary word that continues to survive for the husband of an unfaithful wife. The verb is also "cuckold" (presumably, the woman does it to her husband). The general noun for the practice is "cuckoldry." Needless to say, teaching anyone these words as ways of referring to having *** outside of marriage should be very low on your priority list. Their heyday was back in the seventeenth century or so.
Adultery: breaking the marriage contract. The person-noun is "adulterer," usually a man, occasionally a woman.
Infidelity: a general, more legalistic term for adultery.

Unfaithful: the adjective most commonly used to describe any sort of break with the marriage contract. That is, the most common polite adjective.
Extra-marital: Another adjective, with legalistic overtones.

Have an (extra-marital) affair: Common expression used to describe the practice.
There is also Bill Clinton's immortal dictum, "I have caused pain in my marriage."
Now we'll shade into somewhat more questionable language, but still far from vulgar. You couldn't use this stuff in a press release or a legal document.
Homewrecker: a name often applied to a woman who steals away another woman's husband.
Sleep around: a neutral and informal phrasal verb for any sort of sexual behavior outside of a faithful marriage.
Have loose morals/be loose: a means of labeling any sort of behavior whatsoever outside of conventional sexuality. Usually, this is applied to women rather than men and is thankfully, getting rather dated.

"Double-dipping" most definitely means drawing two salaries, or a salary and a pension. I haven't seen it in this context and it may be a play on "dipping your wick elsewhere," which is definitely getting a bit dated now.
A "womanizer" keeps company with all sorts of women, not just married ones.
Now, my personal favorites for talking about this run the gamut from coarse to obscene to raw, but are always enthusiastic. I would guess that the same is true for most native speakers. English is fun when it comes to expressions regarding any and all such topics. For a very good reason, that the English language is unforgivingly gender-biased, the most enthusiastic of these pejoratives apply to the gentler ***.

Ladies in a state of holy matrimony, but who suffer from "the itch" also, occasionally, "shop at a different meat market," "get their jollies elsewhere," "hide the wrong salami," or "share their pie around."
For sheer crudity, "leg-splitting" sounds athletic, but then again, "trolling the nasty down the block" has a special ring to it.

You should realize that groups of educated, genteel language teachers whose posts on Google end up catalogued all over the damned place might just be unwilling to tell you that the polite "have a bit on the side" is often "bone me a piece of *** on the side" in REAL spoken English.
If we don't start off being conservative in our language choices, this job unmercifully turns us into producers of
sanitized-for-your-protection utterances.
Good luck, keke! Go tell it on the mountain!

Usenet · Answer

Django Cat wrote on 22 Apr 2005:
[nq:2]keke wrote on 21 Apr 2005: This is almost obscene ... full-time job with the same government. It's usually not allowed.[/nq]
[nq:1]For some reason the word 'womanizer' always makes me laugh. I always think there should be a matching adjective; he/she's been womanized...[/nq]
Hi, DC. Yes, idioms often sound idiotic when one thinks about them.

Franke: EFL teacher & medical editor
For email, replace numbers with English alphabet.

Usenet · Answer

Snip>
[nq:1]You might want to call someone a "double-dipper", although that usually refers to people who get two salaries, one from a government pension fund after retirement and one from a current post-retirement full-time job with the same government. It's usually not allowed.[/nq]
Double dipper or dipping - we use this expression when someone dips food (chips or veggies) into a dip, takes a bite and then dips again.

Eva
(someone who shamefully admits to double dipping)

Usenet · Answer

I think that started with a Seinfeld episode, back in the nineties. Jason Alexander confronted a double-dipper at a party and almost went postal on him. "You...you...you...DOUBLE DIPPER, YOU!"

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I think that started with a Seinfeld episode, back in the nineties. Jason Alexander confronted a double-dipper at a party and almost went postal on him. "You...you...you...DOUBLE DIPPER, YOU!"[/nq]
It was a great show. But I think it was George (Jason Alexander) who double dipped at a funeral.
Eva

When you mean to say someone who has more than one lover

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions