When were together

Question

When were together the world stand still,
Us meeting must have God's will.
When were together the birds always sing,
You're holding me under an angel's wing.
When were together the flowers always bloom,
My heart without you is like doom.
When were together the sky is not grey,
You've made my life a glorious day.
When were together and you lips touch mine, The feeling is too divine.
When were together I can't help but to touch your face,
Because I love you so much.
When were together on the beach at night,
I am so glad things were just right.
When were together and you take my hand,
I am just happy that you understand.
When were together I know I can trust,
That this is more than just lust.

Maj · Accepted Answer

This is a tender poem, congrats.

Jessicapyeichhorn · Answer

thank you Maj. I'm glad you're reading my poems.
I'm just been through whole alot in my life without a family.

Jessicapyeichhorn · Answer

hey Maj
what is that mean when you tender poem, and congrats?

Jessicapyeichhorn · Answer

hey maj how you doing?

GuyD · Answer

Jessie:

I have made corrections to your grammar. Compare my revision to your original.
______________________________________________________________

When we're together the world stands still,
Our meeting must have ***'s will.
When we're together the birds always sing,
You're holding me under an angel's wing.
When we're together the flowers always bloom,
My heart without you is like doom.
When we're together the sky is not grey,
You've made my life a glorious day.
When we're together and your lips touch mine, The feeling is too divine.
When we're together I can't help but touch your face,
Because I love you so much.
When we're together on the beach at night,
I am so glad things were just right.
When we're together and you take my hand,
I am just happy that you understand.
When we're together I know I can trust,
That this is more than just ****.
__________________________________________________________

You use the word "were" throughout your poem. "Were" is a verb. The word you want to use is "we're," which is a contraction for "we are."

In line one, "world" is singular. For the verb to be in agreement, you should use "stands" instead of "stand." In the second line, you want to use the possessive case "Our" instead the objective case "us." Generally a gerund ("meeting" is a gerund) requires the possessive case.

In line nine, use the possessive "your" instead of the nominative "you."

I would leave out the word "to" in line ten.

Your poem is very touching. I can feel the emotion you put in it. You thought is clear and I can tell that this poem has meaning to you. That meaning is conveyed to me.

Thanks.

Guest · Answer

Are our tears still flaming blood?

David · Answer

Enjoyed reading your poem. Lots of gentle expressions of love and tenderness. Have you written more?

When were together

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