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Wangqh2696122 Posted 16 years ago
Grammar

What's your comment on the 100-word essay?

Currently, there is a trend that more and more high school students choose to study abroad. Regarding its feasibility, a survey has been conducted in our class.

40% of the students are in favor of the idea. On the one hand, by studying abroad, students can receive better education, particularly in terms of foreign language study. On the other, it helps children to live on their own.

Others, however, take an opposite view. First, they argue, some students have no clear goals---- they go abroad simply to escape academic pressure. Secondly, studying abroad costs too much, for which many families get into financial difficulty. Worst of all, many teens lack self-discipline, and thus are likely to get lost in a strange environment.

  

Top answer

I have underlined some problems: Currently, there is a trend that more and more high school students choose to study abroad. Regarding its feasibility, a survey has been conducted in our class. 40% of the students are in favor of the idea.

  • I have underlined some problems: Currently, there is a trend that more and more high school students choose to study abroad.
  • Regarding its feasibility, a survey has been conducted in our class.
  • 40% of the students are in favor of the idea.
  • On the one hand , by studying abroad, students can receive better education, particularly in terms of foreign language study.
  • On the other , it helps children to live on their own.
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8 Answers
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I have underlined some problems:

Currently, there is a trend that more and more high school students choose to study abroad. Regarding its feasibility, a survey has been conducted in our class. 40% of the students are in favor of the idea. On the one hand, by studying abroad, students can receive better education, particularly in
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Can you suggest some better expressions? Thanks!
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They are mostly grammar, word choice and punctuation. Please try to correct the underlined portions, post a revised copy here, and we will check your efforts.
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Currently, there is a trend that(I can't see errors here) more and more high school students choose to study abroad. Regarding(I can't see errors here) its(I can't see errors here) feasibility, a survey has been(was) conducted in our class. 40% (Forty percent)of the students are in favor of the idea. On the one hand, by studying abroad, students can
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Currently, there is a trend that(I can't see errors here-- 'Trend' + 'that' do not collocate) more and more high school students choose to study abroad. Regarding(I can't see errors here) its(I can't see errors here
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What about this version?

Currently, more and more high school students choose to study abroad. As for its feasibility, a survey was conducted in our class.

Forty percent of the students are in favor of the idea. For one thing, by studying abroad, students can receive a better education, particularly in terms of foreign language study
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Notice in addition how you can eliminate unnecessary words and commas to make the essay smoother, more direct and more fluid:

More and more high school students now choose to study abroad. A survey was conducted in our class to determine its feasibility.

Forty percent of the students are in favor of the idea. For one thing, by studying abroad, student
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Thanks! I have done my utmost!

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