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Rahul Shah Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

What's wrong with the following paragraphs?

Recently in an interview, I was asked to write about Google search results for a fictitious company called DEF which produces a product called XYZ ABC. I wrote the below paragraphs, however I was told that the below paragraphs were clumsy and a native English speaker will never write like this. Can someone explain me, why were the below paragraphs classified as clumsy and how would a native English speaker reword it as.

Further, I have no animosity towards anyone, I just want to learn and that is why I am asking.

The paragraphs, that I wrote, are as below:

DEF’s product, XYZ ABC, has achieved the feat of featuring at the top of Google’s search engine results when Google search engine is queried with the term “xyz abc”. Not only the website of DEF is featured at the top but also the picture of DEF’s product is featured just above DEF’s website in the Google search engine results.

Topping a Google search engine result is only possible when a product is popular, favoured by consumers, respected, authentic and thus one of the best-selling product in that relevant sector.

Further, DEF’s product is so popular that when the term “de’s” is being typed into Google search engine, Google automatically makes a query suggestion of “DEF's XYZ ABC”. This further supports the argument that DEF’s product is highly popular.

DEF’s product has been well received and appreciated by other food-related businesses and organisations.

Thanks in advance for all your suggestions.
  

Top answer

Rahul Shah Can someone explain me, why were the below paragraphs classified as clumsy Simply because you have not yet learned the usual, more succinct ways of native expression. These you need to learn through experience—mostly through extensive reading. Rahul Shah how would a native English speaker reword it DEF currently appears right at the top of Google search results, along with a photo of its product, XYZ ABC.

  • Rahul Shah Can someone explain me, why were the below paragraphs classified as clumsy Simply because you have not yet learned the usual, more succinct ways of native expression.
  • These you need to learn through experience—mostly through extensive reading.
  • Rahul Shah how would a native English speaker reword it DEF currently appears right at the top of Google search results, along with a photo of its product, XYZ ABC.
  • Topping a Google search is only possible when a product is popular with consumers and is one of the best-selling products in its sector.
  • In fact, ABC is so well known that when “DEF” is being typed into the search box, Google automatically suggests“DEF's XYZ ABC”!
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1 Answers
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Rahul ShahCan someone explain me, why were the below paragraphs classified as clumsy
Simply because you have not yet learned the usual, more succinct ways of native expression. These you need to learn through experience—mostly through extensive reading.
Rahul Shahhow would a native English speaker reword it
DEF currently

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