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Angliholic Posted 16 years ago
Grammar

What Worries Me

Counting white clouds one after another, I went away from you, only leaving you a bit of lovesickness. What worries me now is the you with reddish eyes! The crying you is always on my mind.



Counting maple leaves one after another, I went away from you, only to leave my loving heart to you. What worries me now is the far away you! The lonesome you is always on my mind.





Hi,

The above is an old popular Chinese song that I love so much, and I tried to translate it into English for fun and for practicing my English. Correct me where I am wrong. Thanks.
  

Top answer

Please understand that with song lyrics little can be considered outright 'wrong'. I am mostly suggesting a smoother, more natural flow: Counting the white clouds one after another, I left you, leaving you only a bit of lovesickness. What worries me now is your reddened eyes.

— Mister Micawber

  • Please understand that with song lyrics little can be considered outright 'wrong'.
  • I am mostly suggesting a smoother, more natural flow: Counting the white clouds one after another, I left you, leaving you only a bit of lovesickness.
  • What worries me now is your reddened eyes.
  • Your tears are always on my mind.
  • Counting the maple leaves one after another, I left you , leaving only my loving heart to you.
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2 Answers
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Please understand that with song lyrics little can be considered outright 'wrong'. I am mostly suggesting a smoother, more natural flow:

Counting the white clouds one after another, I left you, leaving you only a bit of lovesickness. What worries me now is your reddened eyes. Your tears are always on my mind.

Counting the maple l
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Thanks, Mr.

I like the smoother and more natural version of yours.

Regards
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