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Anonymous Posted 14 years ago
Vocabulary
What sounds better...
I'm currently writing a short story for my friends and I'm torn between using either 'colouring' or 'staining' in the following sentence:
"Georgi’s lifeless body lay flat on his bed in a pool of blood, ________ the plain duvet a brilliantly dark crimson."
Also, the more I look at it the more I think that it either needs an extra word or I should remove 'brilliantly', or change it to 'brilliant'.
Thoughts, anyone?
"Georgi’s lifeless body lay flat on his bed in a pool of blood, ________ the plain duvet a brilliantly dark crimson."
Also, the more I look at it the more I think that it either needs an extra word or I should remove 'brilliantly', or change it to 'brilliant'.
Thoughts, anyone?
Top answer
"Stain" is harsher. You should go through your story when you're done and delete every adjective and adverb you find. By the way, I would expect the blood to have soaked into bedclothes such that there would be no pool of it.
- "Stain" is harsher.
- You should go through your story when you're done and delete every adjective and adverb you find.
- By the way, I would expect the blood to have soaked into bedclothes such that there would be no pool of it.
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4 Answers
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"Stain" is harsher.
You should go through your story when you're done and delete every adjective and adverb you find. By the way, I would expect the blood to have soaked into bedclothes such that there would be no pool of it.
You should go through your story when you're done and delete every adjective and adverb you find. By the way, I would expect the blood to have soaked into bedclothes such that there would be no pool of it.
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Thank you for your reply, enoon.
I have a feeling I used the pool as I had used similar phrasing earlier in the story, whereby a body lay on the concrete. I've changed it now, so hopefully it reads a little better.
Also, I'm aware that overusing adjectives can detract from a sentence's bluntness, but what would be the benefit of removing every single one, plus the adverbs, when d
I have a feeling I used the pool as I had used similar phrasing earlier in the story, whereby a body lay on the concrete. I've changed it now, so hopefully it reads a little better.
Also, I'm aware that overusing adjectives can detract from a sentence's bluntness, but what would be the benefit of removing every single one, plus the adverbs, when d
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AnonymousAlso, I'm aware that overusing adjectives can detract from a sentence's bluntness, but what would be the benefit of removing every single one, plus the adverbs, when done? They're both useful in being descriptive!I'm sorry. I was overstating the issue, but not by much. How about if you go through it, and every time you find an adverb or adjective, tr
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enoonI'm sorry. I was overstating the issue, but not by much. How about if you go through it, and every time you find an adverb or adjective, try to find a way to use a verb or a simile or a metaphor instead? But this isn't Creative Writing 101, and I am not even a teacher.My apologies - I think I may have come across a bit sensitive there, ha. I understand y
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