what is the correct form of commercial letter?

Question

Hello, I'm a new  here that's because I need someone can help me and to correct my english, I will be appreciated of yours helps ^.^ We notify honestly in our products which do not contain any melamine. We have milk powder from New Zealand, we are willing to bring the certificate of origin (see attachment) and to assure for the safe consumption of our products.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

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We guarantee that our products do not contain any melamine. We supply milk powder from New Zealand, and we are happy to present the certificate of origin (see attachment) and to assure that all our products are safe for consumption.
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Marukko · Answer

wow~~ thank you very much~ that's a real quickly reply! <img src="http://www.EnglishForward.com/emoticons/emotion-5.gif"/>

Goodman · Answer

Hi marukko,

This is statement of declaration in essence. My approach is this. The quality of the product is the center of attention, although the company is involved.

So I would suggest to revised it this way.

Our milk powder comes from which is guaranteed to contain no melamine / to be melamine free. Each shipment is accompanied with a certificate of origin and we quarantee its quality and safety.

Marukko · Answer

yeah~ you're right, that's better than the first statement~ thankssssssss~<img src="http://www.EnglishForward.com/emoticons/emotion-21.gif"/>

Mister Micawber · Answer

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No it's not. Goodman's first sentence is a mess. New Zealand is not accused of containing melamine-- it is the milk powder that is suspect. If you wish to use that form, then try this:

Our milk powder comes from New Zealand and is guaranteed to contain no melamine / to be melamine free. Each shipment includes a certificate of origin, and we guarantee its quality and safety.

Goodman · Answer

No it's not. Goodman's first sentence is a mess

Well, Technically MM may be partially right. To me, it's just a matter of how we choose to express a point. Please allow me to draw a paralell sentence to prove my point.
If someone says "I bought a 50" LCD TV yesterday from Bestbuy which was scheduled to be delivered today but I haven't heard from the driver yet". By your definition, does that mean this sentence is also a mess?

"Our milk powder comes from New Zealand WHICH is guaranteed to contain no melamine ..... I think most people with common sense will not be confused with it. [Which] refers to the milk power and the LCD TV, not New Zealand and Bestbuy.

Khoff · Answer

I agree with Mr. M.

GoodmanIf someone says "I bought a 50" LCD TV yesterday from Bestbuy which was scheduled to be delivered today but I haven't heard from the driver yet". By your definition, does that mean this sentence is also a mess?

Yes, in my opinion, but it's a slightly different kind of mess. In this sentence, in the way that you intend it, "from Bestbuy" could be removed and you would still have a complete sentence. If you intend the basic sentence to be "I bought a TV yesterday which was scheduled to be delivered today," then I think "from Bestbuy" should be put in parentheses or between commas. Otherwise the "which..." should actually modify Bestbuy, as in "I bought a TV yesterday from Bestbuy which has the lowest prices."

Goodman "Our milk powder comes from New Zealand WHICH is guaranteed to contain no melamine ..

The structure of this sentence is different. (You can't remove "from New Zealand" and still have a complete sentence.) I'm afraid I can't label all the parts of speech and quote the appropriate grammar rule for you, but certainly if I read a sentence which began "Our milk powder comes from New Zealand which..." I would expect the following information to apply to New Zealand, not to the milk poweder. "Our milk powder comes from New Zealand which is somewhere near Australia."

I'm not saying that no one would come up with a sentence like yours, or that it's incomprehensible. It would not be uncommon to hear or read a sentence like that from native speakers, but it would still be wrong. I'm not sure what the technical term is for what's wrong with it -- maybe "misplaced modifier."

Marukko · Answer

Finally I sent the email with the first statement which modified by Mr. Goodman.

Well, I am not good to see what is the different in each statement, but I'm happy I can learn more in this place, lol it's a nice place for people who want to learn more~~ THANK A LOTS

~~~

Goodman · Answer

Thanks Khoff for the analysis. Tecnicially as I admitted, it could be better written to avoid that "modifier" confusion. If we must focus "milk powder" as a subject and use the same relative sturcture and tone, how would you rewrite it?
<< If someone says "I bought a 50" LCD TV yesterday from Bestbuy which was scheduled to be delivered today >> After looking at it for while trying to find the difference between the two, I finally realize that "yesterday from Bestbuy" is anadverbial phrase, so it worked in that sentence.

<<"Our milk powder comes from New Zealand WHICH is guaranteed to contain no melamine ...>> This one the other hand is not the case. So I admit it was confusing from the grammatical point of view. So to remedy it, would you accept this revsied version?

<<"Our milk powder WHICH is guaranteed to contain no melamine comes from New Zealand ...>> I am almost certain this s a grammatically sound sentence. However,
it doesn't have the same tone for some reason.

In any case, I stand corrected.

Khoff · Answer

Goodman<<"Our milk powder WHICH is guaranteed to contain no melamine comes from New Zealand ...>>

Hi, Goodman. This one is fine. I would put in commas, but I'n not sure if they're really necessary: "Our milk powder, which is guaranteed to contain no melamine, comes from New Zealand."

Or you might prefer this version, which makes the no-melamine guarantee (rather than the New Zealand origin) an integral part of the sentence:

"Our milk powder, which comes from New Zealand, is guaranteed to contain no melamine."

What do you think of this one? I think it's probably the best.

what is the correct form of commercial letter?

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