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Butterfly60 Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

What is the comments/correction do you propose to improve the following pragraph:

Hi,

What is the comments/correction do you propose to improve the following pragraph:

I opened the door and found her sitting on the sofa, holding the baby with her hands. On her face an apparently horrified expression flickered. She told us that as soon as we left, the child had burst into tears, and hadn’t stopped crying only few minutes before our coming back home. She added that his crying had been so intense that his lips trembled and that his skin’s color grew blue. Not knowing what to do to calm him, she remained helpless. All that she did was wandering round the house, hugging him to her *** and at the same time patting him gently on the back, hoping that this might do him good. She didn’t dare to change his pants or to feed him; for a lurking lack of confidence in her past skills as a mother hindered her from doing so. As I looked at her, I could see that her face bore the expression of delight mingled with the sad expression of someone who had just gone through so bad an event.

Thanks in advance
  

Top answer

I opened the door and found her sitting on the sofa, holding the baby with her hands. (in her arms or on her lap. ) On her face an apparently horrified expression flickered.

  • I opened the door and found her sitting on the sofa, holding the baby with her hands.
  • (in her arms or on her lap.
  • ) On her face an apparently horrified expression flickered.
  • She told us that as soon as we left, the child had burst into tears, and hadn’t stopped crying until only few minutes before our coming back home.
  • She added that his crying had been so intense that his lips trembled and that his skin’s color grew blue.
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2 Answers
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I opened the door and found her sitting on the sofa, holding the baby with her hands. (in her arms oron her lap. ) On her face an apparently horrified expression flickered. She told us that as soon as we left, the child had burst into tears, and hadn’t stopped crying until only few minutes before our coming back home. She ad
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AlpheccaStars,

I thank you very much for your contribution.

Besides, I really liked Oscar Wildes' Quote which accompanies your nickname. And I also like the writer: I read him and enjoyed '' the devoted friend'' and the picture of Dorian Gray

Regards

Taoufik BELAIDI

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