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Eddie88 Posted 17 years ago
Grammar
What do you think of this piece of writing?
Hi, this is a cover letter to go with my C.V., which I wrote.
What do you think of it? I want the cover letter to be simple, informative and straight to the point.
I'd love to hear what you think.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My name is X, and I believe I am the perfect candidate for this position. Please find my CV attached and the following information, which will hopefully assist.
I have just one paper left, Work Experience, before I complete my Bachelor of Business degree at Auckland University of Technology with a double major in Marketing and Advertising. I was approached for the Honours programme, but I feel that experience is more important for me at this stage. My university course, marketing and advertising, and past experiences have provided me with a strong understanding of what is required in this role. My successful sporting background, including being asked to represent in tennis, soccer, and indoor soccer, and my active lifestyle makes the thought of working for the Adidas brand exciting.
I have proficiency in Microsoft Word, Excel and PowerPoint, and I am eager to broaden my skills in such areas. New technology has always interested me, and I have no problem mastering new computer applications. I relish learning new skills, and I am willing to complete any necessary courses or training programmes. I am a self-motivated individual with a pro-active attitude, a sense of humour, and I thrive on goal setting.
I am a well-rounded individual, and I have always scored well with my ability to organise my time. My multi-tasking skills are excellent, and these have been developed over many years of juggling a variety of sports, jobs, and academic work each week. More recently, I have divided my time successfully between my two majors and the many sports I still play.
I really enjoy working in a team environment and have had considerable experience within teams: including sports’ teams, and a number of university group projects. I know the importance of building both internal and external relationships within businesses, and I am comfortable with the prospect of meeting new people. As my father is the CEO/Marketer of a company, I aspire to eventually achieve such a position. Like my father, I have always been keen to express my ideas, eager to lead groups, and I relate well with people of all backgrounds.
My verbal and written communication skills are of a very high calibre, and I am happy to use my own initiative. I have direct sales experience and some event management experience from Lilly Put Mini Golf, which included coordinating large groups.
Being a friend of Jonathan for many years has meant I have been following his time working with you throughout. My passion for sport and your brand, my competitive nature, my communication skills, and my enthusiasm are skills I feel are invaluable to your business.
For further details, please refer to my attached CV. I am looking forward to hearing from you. I can be contacted by telephone or email.
Yours faithfully
x
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What do you think of it? I want the cover letter to be simple, informative and straight to the point.
I'd love to hear what you think.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My name is X, and I believe I am the perfect candidate for this position. Please find my CV attached and the following information, which will hopefully assist.
I have just one paper left, Work Experience, before I complete my Bachelor of Business degree at Auckland University of Technology with a double major in Marketing and Advertising. I was approached for the Honours programme, but I feel that experience is more important for me at this stage. My university course, marketing and advertising, and past experiences have provided me with a strong understanding of what is required in this role. My successful sporting background, including being asked to represent in tennis, soccer, and indoor soccer, and my active lifestyle makes the thought of working for the Adidas brand exciting.
I have proficiency in Microsoft Word, Excel and PowerPoint, and I am eager to broaden my skills in such areas. New technology has always interested me, and I have no problem mastering new computer applications. I relish learning new skills, and I am willing to complete any necessary courses or training programmes. I am a self-motivated individual with a pro-active attitude, a sense of humour, and I thrive on goal setting.
I am a well-rounded individual, and I have always scored well with my ability to organise my time. My multi-tasking skills are excellent, and these have been developed over many years of juggling a variety of sports, jobs, and academic work each week. More recently, I have divided my time successfully between my two majors and the many sports I still play.
I really enjoy working in a team environment and have had considerable experience within teams: including sports’ teams, and a number of university group projects. I know the importance of building both internal and external relationships within businesses, and I am comfortable with the prospect of meeting new people. As my father is the CEO/Marketer of a company, I aspire to eventually achieve such a position. Like my father, I have always been keen to express my ideas, eager to lead groups, and I relate well with people of all backgrounds.
My verbal and written communication skills are of a very high calibre, and I am happy to use my own initiative. I have direct sales experience and some event management experience from Lilly Put Mini Golf, which included coordinating large groups.
Being a friend of Jonathan for many years has meant I have been following his time working with you throughout. My passion for sport and your brand, my competitive nature, my communication skills, and my enthusiasm are skills I feel are invaluable to your business.
For further details, please refer to my attached CV. I am looking forward to hearing from you. I can be contacted by telephone or email.
Yours faithfully
x
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Top answer
It's a good read, as they say. It flows well, and your meaning is clear. " The organization of the information into paragraphs is a little disappointing.
- It's a good read, as they say.
- It flows well, and your meaning is clear.
- " The organization of the information into paragraphs is a little disappointing.
- It's sometimes unclear what, if anything, ties a paragraph together.
- We find an item which would have gone nicely with something a couple of paragraphs back.
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4 Answers
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It's a good read, as they say. It flows well, and your meaning is clear. The style is generally consistent, except for a couple of shockers like, "I have always scored well with my etc.," and "I relish learning new skills."
The organization of the information into paragraphs is a little disappointing. It's sometimes unclear what, if anything, ties a paragraph together. We find an ite
The organization of the information into paragraphs is a little disappointing. It's sometimes unclear what, if anything, ties a paragraph together. We find an ite
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Thanks, I would definitly agree that the expressions 'I relish..." etc are not so appropriate. And yeah there seems little tying the paragraphs together. It seems like a whole lot of facts have been written as soon as they have been thought of.
What about the questions I have at the bottom. Would you say it is a misplaced modifier or that the way I have the sentence now is better?
What about the questions I have at the bottom. Would you say it is a misplaced modifier or that the way I have the sentence now is better?
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In the end, I was empressed with the phrasing and sentence structure. I thought they were exemplary. As I read it, I was focused on the material, which is as it should be. If the phrases were awkward, the rhythm repetitive, the style inconsistent, the material boring; it would have caught my attention, trust me. Students often like to show off. But this is generally a model of restraint and a
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empressed....I assume this is merely a typo, unless this a foreign spelling form for me?
If the phrases were awkward, the rhythm repetitive, the style inconsistent, the material boring; it would have caught my attention, trust me
Your use of the semicolon is very different from the rules for its use-I'm sure you know this. But is good to have your own opinion on things!
If the phrases were awkward, the rhythm repetitive, the style inconsistent, the material boring; it would have caught my attention, trust me
Your use of the semicolon is very different from the rules for its use-I'm sure you know this. But is good to have your own opinion on things!
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