What do you think about this one?! (Thanks)

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Hi! Could someone read my letter and tell me what you think about it. I'am applying for a professional exchange program at Norway to stay one month in a norwegian hospital to improve my practical experience. This is my very first letter ever, so don't be cruel!

Barcelona, 30th November 2004

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the professional exchange program at Norway.

Having passed my secondary education, I am now in the 3rd year of my medicine studies and during the last five semesters I have acquired a strong knowledge of human and cell biology, microbiology, physiology and anatomy as well as biochemistry, psichology and molecular genetics. During my training I have obtained basic practical experience as a scientist as well as a team worker. During this course I have learnt the basics of pathology and diagnosis. I will also make a two months clinical practice at Hospital Cínic in General Internal Medicine Department in the upcoming months of February and March.

Additionally, I speak four languages (catalan, spanish, english and french) and I have made some volunteer activities helping disabled people with motor disabilities. As for my personal features, I am a social, motivated and curious person who can easily adapt to any situation.

As part of my training, a clerkship would add to my practical experience and more importantly would provide me with invaluable experience and skills, both of which are highly valued. I believe I could take a worthwhile profit from this exchange in order to improve my medicine knowledge to serve society in a profitable way.

I would also like to meet many different people and get to know more about your country and your culture, so different from mine, although we are both europeans.

I am confident that I have the experience, enthusiasm and ability to successfully take part of this clerkship.

Yours faithfully,

***

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Hi,

I encourage you to register, though it is not required.

Your name and address
Barcelona

30th November 2004

Their name and address
Norway

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the professional exchange program at [hospital *** in City,] Norway.

Having passed my secondary education, I am [] in the [third] year of my medicine studies. [D]uring the last five semesters I have acquired a strong knowledge of human and cell biology, microbiology, physiology and anatomy as well as biochemistry, psichology and molecular genetics. During my training I have obtained basic practical experience as a scientist [as well as a team worker--sounds a bit awkward...scientist is technical...team worker is fuzzy stuff]. During this course [which course?] I have learnt the basics of pathology and diagnosis. I will also [complete] two months clinical practice [during upcoming February and March] at Hospital Cínic [clinic?] in General Internal Medicine Department [].

[] I speak four languages ([C]atalan, panish, [E]nglish and [F]rench) and I [am an active] volunteer [] helping disabled people with motor disabilities. [Regarding my personality,] Maybe you like this, maybe you don't. You decide

am a social, motivated and curious person who can easily adapt to any situation.--don't really like this, but that was your prior stuff.

As part of my training, a clerkship would add to my practical experience and more importantly would provide me with invaluable experience and skills[]. I believe I could take a worthwhile profit from this exchange in order to improve my medicine knowledge to serve society in a profitable way.[You should phrase this in a better manner]

I would also like to meet many different people and get to know more about your country and your culture, so different from mine, although we are both [E]uropeans. [again, you need to phrase this better]

I am confident that I have the experience, enthusiasm and ability to successfully take part of this clerkship.

Yours faithfully,

***

I am not sure what they get from this exchange. You've gone to great lengths as to how you benefit. By how do they benefit?

If I were you, I would stress how they benefit by having you as part of their team.

Good luck

MountainHiker

Guest · Answer

Well, I don't really know at which hospital i'm gonig to stay at. It's a decision taken by the Norway National Comitee. The aim of this exchange program is to complete medical education and so they won't really get anything from my part (but my enthusiasm and desire of learning). This kind of exhange program is arranged between two countries (in this case Catalonia and Norway Medical Student Federations) and so a norwegian student will also come to Catalonia (this is what they get).

I have also made some corrections:

***

Barcelona, 30th November 2004

***

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the professional exchange program at Norway.

Having passed my secondary education, I am now in the 3rd year of my medical studies. During the last five semesters I have acquired a strong knowledge of human and cell biology, microbiology, physiology and anatomy as well as biochemistry, psichology and molecular genetics. During my training I have obtained basic practical experience as a scientist as well as a team worker. During this year I have learnt the basics of pathology and diagnosis. I will also carry out a two-month clinical practice at Hospital Clínic in General Internal Medicine Department in the upcoming months of February and March.

Additionally, I speak four languages (Catalan, Spanish, English and French) and I have made some volunteer activities helping disabled people with motor disabilities. As for my personal features, I am an extrovert who has a great desire and passion to learn and assist others. Furthermore, I am a social, motivated and curious person who can easily adapt to any situation.

As part of my training, a clerkship would add to my practical experience and more importantly would provide me with invaluable experience and skills, both of which are highly valued. I believe I could take great advantage from this exchange in order to improve my medical knowledge to serve society.

I would also like to meet many different people and get to know more about your country and your culture, so different from mine, although we are both Europeans.

I am confident that I have the experience, enthusiasm and ability to successfully take part of this clerkship.

Yours faithfully,

***

P.S.: Takk for hjelpen!

---------------------------------------------

Thank you very much!!

MountainHiker · Answer

Well, I don't really know at which hospital i'm gonig to stay at. It's a decision taken by the Norway National Comitee. The aim of this exchange program is to complete medical education and so they won't really get anything from my part (but my enthusiasm and desire of learning). This kind of exhange program is arranged between two countries (in this case Catalonia and Norway Medical Student Federations) and so a norwegian student will also come to Catalonia (this is what they get).

I think the Norwegian student is getting the better deal, especially at this time of year. That said, I would still make sure my letter and resume stood out. I want to best assignment at one of the more interesting hospitals located in a major center. I don't want to be cleaning bed pans in some remote location. But to each his or her own.

I have also made some corrections:

***

Barcelona, 30th November 2004

***

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the professional exchange program at Norway.

Having passed my secondary education, I am now in the 3rd year of my medical studies. During the last five semesters I have acquired a strong knowledge of human and cell biology, microbiology, physiology and anatomy as well as biochemistry, psichology[spelling] and molecular genetics. During my training I have obtained basic practical experience as a scientist as well as a team worker. During this year I have learnt the basics of pathology and diagnosis. I will also carry out a two-month clinical practice at Hospital Clínic[spelling] in General Internal Medicine Department in the upcoming months of February and March.

Additionally, I speak four languages (Catalan, Spanish, English and French) and I have volunteered by helping disabled people with motor disabilities. As for my personal features[Regarding my personality], I am an extrovert who has a great desire and passion to learn and [to] assist others. Furthermore, I am a [social--delete, we know you are extroverted], motivated and curious person who can easily adapt to any situation.

As part of my training, a clerkship would add to my practical experience and more importantly would provide me with invaluable experience and skills, both of which are highly valued, which are again invaluable because they are highly valued. [A horse is a horse because it is a horse, no?] I believe I could take great advantage from this exchange in order to improve my medical knowledge to serve society.

Now if it were me being given this lucky opportunity, I would write something like (showing a bit of imagination)...

I am grateful for this program because it allows students from both Norway and Spain to gain a deeper appreciation of the world around them. I am confident that I will gain a more global perspective from my stay in Norway, as will the Norwegian students staying in Spain. I am interested to compare and contrast the differences in medical care and practices between the two countries. I am confident that both countries gain by having their young doctors gain a broader exposure to different medical practices. Moreover, I am eager to search for opportunities in Norway where I can continue my volunteer work and learn more about Norway. blah blah blah.

That's just a rough paragraph. But I am trying to instill some passion, some interest for going to Norway. I am keen, I want to learn, I want to contribute, I know both countries will benefit etc. I hope by showing you some passion, I don't get the bed pan duty for my entire stay.

I would also like to meet many different people and get to know more about your country and your culture, [which is] so different from mine, although we are both Europeans.

I am confident that I have the experience, enthusiasm and ability to successfully take part of this clerkship.

Yours faithfully,

***

P.S.: Takk for hjelpen!

Good luck (Buenos suerte, if my Spanish is correct)

MountainHiker

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