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Kedra Posted 19 years ago
Grammar

what do native speakers think of the grammar? Many thanks!

1i00I have a passage, which will be shown to native speakers, and I am not allowed to make any mistake in grammar and style. If you can take a look at the sentences, which are in bold brown and give me your advice, I would appreciate that! I've posted the whole passage for context understanding. 02i00Thank you very much for your advice in advance!02br
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00If you are in the business of leasing or renting real property for several years, you’ll have quite a database of tenants’ and owners’ contacts. 01font01b00Storing 00every detail of them can make them your clients again00.02b02font00 Before the high season begins, send them a newsletter about a new option/discount/benefit for your web site visitors and include there a small paragraph about their family. 01font01b00For instance, tell them how cute were those twins John and Jack, who ‘refreshed’ your wall papers with their creative paintings the last year :- ), or how is that little dog Sparky, who misused your flower-beds and lawns :- )00 02b02font02br
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00Your tenants will appreciate your attention to them. You will make early reservations. 01font01b00You can hardly expect that at large vacation portals.02b02font01h2

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Top answer

1i 00If you01b 00 have been02b 00 in the business of leasing or renting real property for several years, you’ll have quite a database of 01b 00tenant02b 00 and 01b 00owner02b 00 contacts. Storing every detail 01b 00about02b 00 them can 01b 00help you regain them as client02b 00s. Before the high season begins, send them a newsletter about a new 01b 00option, discount or benefit02b 00 for your 01b 00website02b 00 visitors and01b 00 include a brief reference to02b 00 their family.

— Mister Micawber

  • 1i 00If you01b 00 have been02b 00 in the business of leasing or renting real property for several years, you’ll have quite a database of 01b 00tenant02b 00 and 01b 00owner02b 00 contacts.
  • Storing every detail 01b 00about02b 00 them can 01b 00help you regain them as client02b 00s.
  • Before the high season begins, send them a newsletter about a new 01b 00option, discount or benefit02b 00 for your 01b 00website02b 00 visitors and01b 00 include a brief reference to02b 00 their family.
  • For instance, tell them how 01b 00cute those twins, John and Jack, were02b 00, who ‘refreshed’ your01b 00 wallpaper02b 00 with their creative 01b 00paintings last02b 00 ask about thei00r little dog02i 00 year, or01i 00, Sparky, who misused your 01b 00flowerbeds 02b 00and 01b 00lawn02b 00.
  • 02i 02br 01i 00Your tenants will appreciate your 01b 00attentions and will02b 00 make early reservations.
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5 Answers
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1i00If you01b00 have been02b00 in the business of leasing or renting real property for several years, you’ll have quite a database of 01b00tenant02b00 and 01b00owner02b00 contacts. Storing every detail 01b00about02b00 them can 01b00help you regain them as client02b00s. Bef
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0 Hi Mister Micawber, I appreciate your help, thank you very much. I could not ask for more! [Y] 0-
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0Just a suggestion: I think I would use "retain them as clients" rather than "regain them as clients".0-
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0If you are in the business of leasing or renting real property for several years, you’ll have quite a database of tenants’ and owners’ contacts. 01font01b00Storing 00every detail of them can help to make them your clients again00.02b02font00 Before the high season begins, send them a newsletter about a new option,discount and/o
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0 Hi James, thank you for your comments. I think you are right, "vacation portals" should have sounded something like "vacation rental portals". Will it be better? [:^)] 0-
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