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Anita_a Posted 21 years ago

Weird world

Pink lips that can see

Black eyes that can talk

Graceful walk that can laugh

Breath that is visible

Shadow shining in front of me

Sweat overcastting my heart

A slipping sky

A fragrant hue

A devotee growing to be god

A star shining like moon

A peace in war

Right things in wrong places

Weird is my world,

For I am in love.
  

Top answer

one comment though. I would change walk in the third line because it rhymes with talk in the line above it and that may trip up a reader because it is an unplanned and unexpected rhyme that makes it sound more discordeous.

— Lanthorn Is The Noon

  • one comment though.
  • I would change walk in the third line because it rhymes with talk in the line above it and that may trip up a reader because it is an unplanned and unexpected rhyme that makes it sound more discordeous.
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3 Answers
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Great stuff...one comment though. I would change walk in the third line because it rhymes with talk in the line above it and that may trip up a reader because it is an unplanned and unexpected rhyme that makes it sound more discordeous.
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Hello, Maam, I am flattered sorry to use this word, after reading the poem, but I am not in love,

let me introduce myself I am Danny from India, I can tell only this for now, my brain is ain't working now.

Hope to talk to you soon.

from Danny,

bye bye..........
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Thanks Lathorn and Danny for your valuable comments.
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