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Question

0It was drizzle in the evening after a big storm raining weather. The streets were nasty when John tried to find a restaurant somewhere in Chinatown. He was thinking about eating Cantonese cuisine because last time he had Hunan cuisine. When John and his girlfriend saw two restaurants right next to each other. They both served Cantonese food. John glimpsed both of them. One of them was empty so he decided to go into the busy one. He thought the food must be good when there was crowding. John interrupted the concierge lady  while she was giving tables to other customers. He wanted a table for two. Then the lady replied with a little rude to John that she told him that you had to wait for a while. John and his girlfriend were standing by the counter because all the chairs against the wall for waiting customers were seated. When he felt his stomach shrinking, he pulled a candy bar from his pocket, chewing all of it. Then he looked a the young girl who sat by the entrance curiously. He wondered whether she was pretty or not but she certainly looked  kind of young.    02br02br00Are they correct?02br02br00Thank you 0-

Nona the brit · Accepted Answer

0correctins in blue. You need to rework passages in pink.02br
02br
00It was 00drizzling00 in the evening after a 00big storm raining weather00. The streets were 00nasty00 when John tried to find a restaurant somewhere in Chinatown. He was thinking about eating Cantonese cuisine because last time he had 00had00 Hunan cuisine. 01del~~00When02del~~00 John and his girlfriend saw two restaurants right next to each other. They both served Cantonese food. John 00looked at00 both of them. One of them was empty so he decided to go into the busy one. He thought the food must be good00 if it was crowded.00 John interrupted the concierge lady while she was giving tables to other customers. He wanted a table for two. 00The00 lady replied 00a little rudely00 to John 00that he would have to 00wait for a while. John and his girlfriend 00stood00 by the counter because all the chairs against the wall for waiting customers were 00full00. When he felt his stomach 00shrinking00, he pulled a candy bar from his pocket, 00chewing all of it.00 Then he looked 00curiously00 00at00 the young girl who sat by the entrance . He 00wondered whether she was pretty or not00 but she certainly looked kind of young. 0-

BW2/3 · Answer

0nona, thanks, 02br
02br
00Can I say:02br
02br
00It was drizzling in the evening after the heavy rain. The streets were wet and slippery. 02br
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00When he felt his stomach cramping, he pulled a candy bar from his pocket and chewed the delicious bar. He wondered whether or not she was pretty but she was a cutie sitting down there with her family. 0-

Nona the brit · Answer

0It was drizzling in the evening after 01b00a02b00 heavy rain. The streets were wet and slippery. 02br
02br
00When he felt his stomach cramping, he pulled a candy bar from his pocket and chewed the delicious bar. OK but a bit clumsy with repetition of 'bar'. he pulled a candy bar from his pocket and chewed. It was delicious.02br
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00He wondered whether or not she was pretty but she was a cutie sitting down there with her family. You can't really wonder whether or not someone is pretty if you can see them (you could wonder about someone you haven't seen). You either find them pretty or not. You can't wonder about it. This sounds as though he is standing there thinking "Hmmm, is she pretty? I just don't know. I wish someone would tell me."0-

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