WARNING: Terrible Puns

The humor in the following vignettes is reliant on the reader's familiarity with the english language. If you're not a native speaker, you may not be amused. If you area native speaker you'll probably be even less amused.


There once was an Eskimo who, while fishing around the Aelutian Islands in his kayak, shivered for the cold. Too impatient to wait to get back to shore, he built a fire in the middle of his kayak. Within a few minutes, a hole was burned through the keel and the boat quickly sank. The Eskimo was barely able to swim to shore in the gelid water. Once he pulled himself onto dry land, he shivered and said to himself: "I guess that proves it. You can't have your kayak and heat it too!"


A man mulled over the menu at a diner. When the waitress asked him what he wanted to eat, he said, "I suppose I'll have the eggs benedict." A seraphic smile crept over the waitress's face, "Oh, you'll love the hollandaise sauce that we smother the eggs and bacon with, sir." "Fine, fine," the man responded contentedly. Several minutes later the waitress returned with the meal. When she placed it in front of the man, he looked with surprise at the plate that the food was served on. "What's this?!" the man gasped, "You serve your food in a hubcap?" "Oh no, sir," she replied, "we only serve the eggs benedict in a hubcap. The other meals are served on regular plates. "Why is that?" the man asked incredulously. "Well, sir, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

Ick.

--Lionheart